I wish you would go away.

There. I said it.

I wish you would go away,

Never come back.

I wouldn’t have an excuse to step out of class

I wouldn’t have a free invitation to rest in the nurse’s whenever

I wouldn’t have the quiet, solace, dim room I always longed for, even when you weren’t killing me.

But I wouldn’t have the pain.

The disorienting, nauseating pain

The spots I have to now learn to deal w/

The shimmering circles, outlined in a zigzagging pattern, that move behind closed eyelids in huge circles that make me dizzy

W/ my eyes shut.

Losing half of my vision, 3/5 of my vision?

You think that’s fun?

Not being able to see the right half of my vision, or the bottom left corner, all that being blurred so I know there’s something there, but I can’t see it? That’s fun?

When it becomes too much & I’m sitting w/ me hands over my eyes

Bc that’s the only thing that provides the darkness needed so I can attempt to ignore the nausea

…that’s fun…??

I’m exhausted.

I sat in the hallway during one hour bc today we had a test but guess who missed the last two days of that class?

I spent the duration of gym lying in the nurse’s office on a bed, resting, bc my class was going outside & the sun is a major trigger.

I missed my voice lesson & a third day of choir (tomorrow will be the fourth) bc I had to sit in a darker room that was silent bc guess who’s eyes & head can’t take the f**king bright fluorescent lights all over the school??

I’m tired.

I’m so, so f**king tired, & today was only the first day back.

It takes me twice as long to do anything I want, & it’s so much more difficult to concentrate on literally anything.

All I want to do is sleep. Rest my eyes, find some darkness, & sleep.

I’m not going anywhere. I’m still here. I’m still fighting my way through everything.

But oh, am I exhausted.