I just can't help myself when people are being ridiculous, such as stories about whether seats should be placed on nice little headlands overlooking the sea or whether plantpots should be put under windows. Much has already been written about the former, but the latter case continues, with an injunction on said plant pots. Then there's the bloke who chills his red wine, the same one who didn't like the plant pots.

Jackson decided he would go on a wine tour of France with his good friends, Benny and his rotund wife, Pam. This was a man who put red wine in the fridge. Leaving red wine in the fridge will most likely ruin the quality of your wine. Cold temperatures heighten the wine's structure including the tannins. Tannins help provide texture and structure to Wines, and without them, wine can taste very unpleasant.

The tour started in Belfast, and there was a coach to take them to Stranraer and then to the port of Dover. It was anyone's guess why they didn't fly, maybe they were environmentalists.. but no, they like leaving dandelions in the path and refuse point blank to recycle. OK... so why not the ferry from Dublin? No, they were Unionists, they could not be seen in that den of inequity.

As they boarded the bus, Jackson immediately started eyeing up the well dressed and obviously well to do single ladies. Considering he is an ugly old bastard (already described), one didn't hold out much hope for his luck. However, fortunately there were six of them, so they could sit next to each other without fear of molestation even before they had left Belfast.