I moved away from the Bay Area 10 years ago. Hardest thing I had done so far. It was bigger than moving to a new place. It was moving away from everything I had ever known. But it was necessary for me to grow. I took advantage of a job opportunity that would further my career, and make it easy for me to move back home, or so I thought.

One year turned into 4 which turned into 10. Before I left, I made sure to spend a lot of time with my grandmother, who was then still pretty lucid. She didn’t let on that she was sad that I was leaving. She kept telling me she was excited for me, and happy that I get to live my dream in the way she couldn’t. My mother told me after I left that grandma was taking it harder than anyone imagined she would.

I knew I was my grandmas favorite, and not just with the grandkids. I was her favorite in the family. She never said so, but I knew. And I think everyone else knew also. I’m grateful they let us have this little secret, and not make a big deal out of it, but I’m sure it stung a little bit. She didn’t spoil me with material things, but with her time and attention. She encouraged all of us, but me a little more. It was hard to leave her behind.

After I had been in Georgia for about 7 years, my mother told me that my grandma was showing signs of dementia. It wasn’t a complete surprise; at that time grandma was 93. It also didn’t sound too serious so I didn’t worry. My mom and auntie would update me, because grandma wouldn’t talk about her health with me. She didn’t want me to worry.

A few days ago my mom asked me to come home, that she didn’t think my grandma had much time left. I took leave from work and flew home the next day. When I got to the house, everyone was there - my mom and dad, my 3 aunties, my great auntie, my 3 siblings, and 5 of 6 cousins. Grandma was in the bed watching something on tv. I went in and said “Hey young lady! What are you watching?” She looked at me, bright eyed and smiled. “Who are you?”

I sucked in my breath. _What do you mean, who am I_, I thought. She said it like she’d never seen me before, but was glad to see me; like she was about to make a new friend. I sat on the bed. “It’s me grandma, Francine. Remember I moved away, but I’m back now”. She looked at my face, as if she was searching for something. Her expression changed from happy to concerned. “Cheryl?”, she called.

My mom came in and saw her face, then shooed me out of the room. They talked for a while, then my mom came out to talk to me. “She doesn’t remember everyone, and you’ve been gone so long…”. “Shhhh”, I said hugging her. “It’s ok. I’ll just try again another time”. Then I broke down.