It has been 15 horrible years since my sun has risen. I’ve sat in the corner of my room, staring out the window waiting for it to click. Why was I here? Why was I like this? I slowly crawl out of the corner. I finally arrived to my bed after what seemed like hours. I grab the rope that I’ve been waiting to use for years out of the box under my bed. I stand up tying the rope to the hook. I start smiling. The thing I once feared was here to come. I finish tying the rope and put the hoop around my neck. My smile grows bigger and bigger as the sun will finally come up. I’m preparing myself for the small pain that is to come next. I begin crying not knowing what emotion will appear next. The thought that my brother is next store was

unbearable. I hear a knock on my door. “Hey honey what do you want for din-“ she flips on the lights and sees me standing there on my bed crying almost pulling my legs up just to see the sun. “Mom..” I cry. I take the rope off my neck and run down to hug her. “It’s okay love don’t worry about it.” I feel tears hit my face and a small sniffling noise come from her. “Mom don’t cry it’s okay it was my decision.” I say trying to hold it together for her. “And your my sun.” I can’t hold it in anymore. That’s all I needed. Was to here that I was the sun I’m missing. It was me all along. I wrap my arms around her back and she feels the scars which gives her goosebumps. “I would never let a rope take my baby like that.” She cries. We hug for longer and longer. Towards the end of our sappy story, I feel this sharp pain in my back. “I would want the knife to take you.” I hear my moms voice for the last time before my vision goes blurry and I finally see my sun.

Author: this was just an awareness post. As myself and people I love have been affected by these thoughts. If your going through this, I’m sorry and I hope you can make it out of the dark.