I stand here

And I think

“why not”

I take the blade

And I add another cut

To my scared thigh

I frown

Five cuts

One for each mistake

The bigger the mistake

The deeper the cut

I have made nine mistakes

This is not enough

I wince as I add a one once more

It’s the deepest one yet,

They’ll only get deeper

Tears stream down my face

I cover my mouth

So no one hears,

My sobs, my screams for help

Help from no one but myself,

My thoughts, my mistakes

Two more cuts

Another wince, another sob

One more

I slide the razor again

Along my deep red thigh

I think I went to deep

It’s bleeding to much

I struggle to grab a towel,

my leg throbs in pain

I stand

Just a few more feet till the cabinet

I collapse

I hear banging on the locked door

I think my mom is screaming

Why is it so fuzzy, so blurry

I stare at the black wall,

Wasn’t it a bright pretty blue

Like the clear sky?

Why is the bathtub moving

It’s not supposed to move

Silly bathtub,

I giggle to myself

Silly bathtub indeed

It’s red

Not completely red

Just streaks of red

A blood red

Silly bathtub,

It’s supposed to be white

I think there was a bang,

Then the silly bathtub went black,

Everything did