hospital sterile never smelled sweeter than after discharge,

but I smell it sometimes when things are getting bad again,

I think of that beautiful room with the bolted down beds and doors without knobs,

I miss the group therapy, oddly enough,

Probably because I love talking about myself.

hospital sterile never scared me more than that first stay,

the one where I was underweight and shivering,

I was barely alive and wholly psychotic,

they gave me pills and I gave them a reason.

if I die just know it was nostalgia who killed me,

because only someone broken would long for a time they were also broken, but worse.