Lying there with you, filled with an emptiness I didn’t know to be true. You are mine, you were mine. I grew you and let you go. Now you cry as the sound bounces off the wall and shoots directly into my heart. You’ve broken it over and over not knowing at all the loss I have felt. The sorrow that consumes me.

I miss you even though you are so close I reach out and lay my hand on your back to feel you breathe. Just as I have done a thousand times before. The rise and fall bring a deep regret.

I think of the moment we first saw one another. We just stared in awe. No words were spoken then and words still unnecessary. You were mine. Have I lost you?

Tears well up silently as we lay there. I dare not make a sound. I will not let you see me cry. Still tear after tear runs across my face and hits the pillow leaving a spot that reminds me of your smell. The top of your head to be exact. The place I have pressed my face to and inhaled you. I can’t forget that smell as it will linger for my lifetime.

How I love you. Too much I suppose. But how can I stop? Do I even want to. Even though each minute that passes is like a weight falling down on me, crushing me underneath. In that space I wish to disappear. To run and not look back.

You were mine, but you are slipping away, slowly, painfully. I quietly beg and pray to be able to keep you close. What am I if not with you? I ask have I lost you? And it’s clear, yes I have.