Tough love, as the first word holds true, it is the toughest love one can give. Optimism in seeing the hoped result unfold, and the fear of uncertainty. To make a grand gesture takes guts but to do what is necessary when it hurts takes trusting your mind over matter. Guts fuel bravery and your mind helps you love rationally. Unfortunately we are conditioned to listen to our gut over our intuition. But guts are for rash situations, not to be used on deciding how and when to love someone.

Should a sick mother of 4 kick her daughter out for bringing coke into the house, stealing and putting the rest of the household at risk? She doesn’t want to kick her daughter on the curb, but what about the 12 year old sister? How can you pick and choose which daughter to protect? On one hand she doesn’t want her 18 year old daughter on the streets, on the other she doesn’t want her littlest to be exposed more than she already is to the drugs and sneaking out and drunk driving displayed by someone who should be a role model.

And what about the 16 year old? She already struggles with understanding emotions, so she has become more and more numb to the point where she can’t even understand her own opinions on the situation. Closest in age, attended the same high school; it is confusing to see someone you finally felt on the same level with plummit the second she got out of high school.

And then the oldest. She tried everything to help guide her sister, something she accepted she can’t experience, vowing to help her little sisters avoid the mistakes she made. She often wondered how different her life would be if she had someone to look up to. So when her sister turned and fist fought her on graduation night, kicking her in the face; a line was crossed that the eldest couldn’t fathom projecting onto the little ones. The eldest built a best friendship from a sisterly bond, and the fact that her closest sister could betray her and lie to her making terrible decisions behind her back changed everything.

The mother still loves all her children the same, despite choosing to kick out her 18 year old freshly graduated daughter. Not only for tough love so she finally breaks into working on herself, but for the the rest of her kin’s protection and mental health. Tough love and unconditional love aren’t mutually exclusive.

The 18 year old shortly went off to rehab after being booted and working through inpatient and outpatient programs where she is getting better slowly and is safely. Sometimes we need to hit rock bottom to realize we need and can do better for ourselves.