Okay…

So. Me being kidnapped by a pirate is my fault. Like…thinking about it, I can’t really validate much. It’s literally my fault.

Allow me to elaborate.

Sherry called things off with me on Thursday, and I was in a funk. I know our time together was short, but that doesn’t hold from the fact that being dumped sucks.

So, on Friday…I was…looking to fuck. Sorry to sound blunt. And sorry to sound like a total sleezebag, but it is what it is. I fell down a rabbit hole on Reddit for particularly cougar bars (judge me all you want. But I want an older woman), and I came across a bar about thirty minutes from my apartment called The Pirate Cove.

And who would have-fucking thought. It was literally a bar for pirates. Why there would be a bar for pirates about an hour from the ocean is beyond me, but yeah it’s a legitimate pirate bar. Just a bunch of hairy dudes with wild-ass beards, hooks for hands, talkative parrots, and some very good-looking pirate women.

That’s one thing that always stumped me. Why were all the pirate girls in movies just smoking hot? Long wavy hair, big beautiful eyes, and a slam-dunk figure under their pirate attire? Wouldn’t it make more sense if they were a bunch of out-of-shape alcoholics because they spent so much time on a boat?

I mean. It is what it is.

But yeah that’s how I got captured. I had a few too many. Blacked out and now I’m below deck in pure darkness. I’m chained up, and I can’t go anywhere…so that’s not good.

I can hear the voice of what I could only assume as the main pirate, and she does sound quite…sexy. I have no idea how many pirates are on this ship, but there’s one woman in particular that sounds sexy AF. Calm…soothing, yet demanding and authoritative.

Alright. I have no clue how this is going to go. So I’m ending my voice memo now.

Wish me luck!!