Bell wants to just give up and leave.

She’s on his porch with her hand up to knock for about three minutes, never working up the courage to do it.

Maybe she should’ve taken Cross’ offer for him to be here. It would be less nerve wracking.

His mere presence calms her down.

“Ok Bell, you got this,” she mumbles to herself, trying to hype herself up enough to knock.

Curse her mom for convincing her to have dinner with him.

OoOoO

“So I met my biological father today. How was your day?” Bell greets her mother with false sweetness.

Wren at least appears surprised if her wide eyes are anything to go by. Good. She deserved to have a sliver of what Bell has had to go through with all the secrets that this family has.

She recovers way quicker than Bell would have liked. “Well I did offer for you to meet him.”

Internally, Bell screams. Of course her mom’s first response is to blame her. Like this is somehow her fault.

Externally, she sticks up for herself, “Yeah, when I was ready. You didn’t tell me he lived this close! Or that he had a son my age!” Arlo was never been a real person in her mind since she didn’t know him.

Now she met him, and she can’t take it back.

“I honestly don’t know where he lives. And yes, I knew of Tharen.”

Just the mention of her unknown half brother almost puts her through shock again.

It’s weird. In her thoughts, Tharen had just been Liam’s soulmate and perhaps a potential friend.

And now her brain has to categorize him as her blood.

“Great. So it’s a coincidence that Liam’s soulmate is Tharen,” she mumbles.

It must be loud enough for Wren to hear since she says, “Wow, small world.”

Yeah, small freaking world.

Bell cannot get unluckier, can she?

“That’s all you have to say? I’m freaking out,” Bell insists, pushing on even though she doesn’t appreciate all her mom has to say.

Wren must have become more laidback since revealing all her secrets, since she doesn’t act like this is strange at all. Which bothers Bell. This is no where near normal.

“Well…do you want to meet him? Officially, I mean.”

That has her pause.

Through all her mom’s secrets, she’s never really been asked before.

Sure her mom brought up meeting Arlo before but it was never a serious suggestion. Not one that she took as serious. Now it is.

“I don’t know. It’s hard to decide when I walked in totally unprepared. It isn’t like he cared all this time anyway,” she accuses, bitterness seeping into her voice. Bell didn’t even mean for it to sound like that, but that’s how it came out so perhaps there’s some truth in it.

Her negative claim does finally get something out of her mom that isn’t indifference. Immediately, Wren rushes to defend Arlo, “He does care. He stayed away because it was what I wanted. So blame me if you want to blame someone.”

Bell feels her walls begin to crumble.

“I’m tired of that. Blaming you,” her voice chokes at the end, emotion catching in her throat.

It’s true. In this whole mess, her mom has been the target of her negative emotions. It was an easy target since she actually did do the things Bell blames her for. But still, the only target she’s had.

She’s tired. Even though she’s glad to know the truth, sometimes in the dead of night, she wishes things went back to how they were before her mom spilled.

When she didn’t have to blame her mom for all that she did.

“Sorry, but it is my fault,” Wren says, standing strong on her point.

“He didn’t even fight to be in my life. He doesn’t care.”

Her mother sighs. It’s one of those mom sighs that a child never wants to hear. An exasperated one. “Bell, he asked for monthly updates on you. Even though I asked him to not be in your life, he wanted to know about you.”

“What?” she blurts.

He…wanted to know about her. Did he actually? What did he know?

Did he ever regret not being in her life?

“So I want you to consider talking with him. If only to clarify all the questions running through your head. That wasn’t mind reading by the way. I just know you.”

OoOoO

Ok. Maybe she didn’t twist her arm to get her here.

Bell really does want answers. But she doesn’t need him as a father. She needs him as a answer sheet.

She hates being late, so she has to knock. Each time she tries, something stops her before her knuckles hit the wood.

Right before her eyes, the door swings open, and Tharen exclaims, “Bell!”

His smile almost blinds her.

Blinking a couple of times, she finally lets out a weak greeting, “Hi Tharen.”

He opens the door wider and gestures for her to come in. She does, though hesitantly.

“Should I call you sis?” He asks. She can’t tell if he is joking or not.

She can’t help but feel uneasiness build at that one word. The word that insinuates family. Which they aren’t. Not really.

Sure, biologically they are half siblings, but Bell doesn’t know him.

“Maybe it’s a bit too soon,” she winces.

He does look apologetic, his eyes widening in panic. “Sorry, I’m just excited. I don’t have siblings, well I thought I didn’t, so I’m super hyped.”

She would normally say that it was understandable, but she can’t match his enthusiasm.

It makes her imagine how that coversation went between Arlo and Tharen. It sounds much better than hers with her mom. One part of her feels angry about how easy that probably was for them when hers was so complicated and changed her entire life.

But when she recognizes her anger, then she feels bad because she should be glad that Tharen doesn’t have to go through what she has had.

“I’m glad that someone is happy in this situation,” Bell replies truthfully. It’s not meant as a dig. It’s nice to know that he doesn’t despise her for existing.

When she hears steps to her right, she stops herself from turning. Let him come to her.

She doesn’t want to seem to eager. Because she’s not. Having this meeting is for herself. No one else. Not for Arlo. Not for her mom. For her.

“Hello, Bell,” Arlo greets, almost tentatively.

Show time.

OoOoO

“Dad? Can I ask you something?” Her voice is quiet. Uncertain and shy. Not usually how she is with her dad.

Hai looks to her, giving her his undivided attention. “Of course.”

Just being with him, in their living room, makes her feel better. Familiar person in a familiar space.

Even though she is nervous, there is this openness. One that doesn’t produce fear. Just anxiety.

This feels completely different than her bringing it up with her mom. More weighted.

“How would you feel if I went to see Arlo?” She asks, finally addressing the elephant in the room.

They’ve talked about her mom lying and everything, but they never discussed her and her biological father. It always felt like a disrespect to Hai. He raised her and so that makes him her dad. No matter what genetics they have.

And she didn’t really want to talk about it either.

“What do you want?” Hai swerves her question with one of his own.

He always does that. Puts aside his own feelings for his children. With all that went on with her mother, Bell appreciates this quality about her dad even more.

Which is why she needs this conversation.

Bell desperately searches for guidance. It feels off the table with Wren. She can’t trust her. At least not right now. “I don’t know. I need someone to tell me what to do.”

Moving to sit next to her on the couch, he clasps her hands.

It’s his sincerity in both his eyes and in his tone that put her at ease. “Unfortunately, I can’t do that for you. Bell, it’s up to you and how you feel, but I will not be hurt if you want to. Or need to.”

Her whole body relaxes at his last sentiment.

Her dad says the right thing every time.

“I guess I feel like I should? Like I owe it to myself to see him for myself? But I feel dread about it at the same time. I don’t know how to explain it,” she says, stumbling into a clunky explanation. Her mind is a labrynth with no clear way out.

She feels…lost.

“It’s a layered situation. It’s normal to have all these emotions and it’s ok to not have it all figured out. It makes my head spin and I’m an adult.” He lets out a short chuckle to try to put some humor in their conversation.

Halfheartedly, she gives one back, but it sounds a bit pained.

Hai squeezes her hands before shifting to give her a hug. When she is buried her face in his shoulder, he murmurs, “If you do it, do it for yourself. Not for your mother or for Arlo. You.”

Bell thanks whatever in the universe gave her Hai as her dad because she couldn’t imagine this moment with anyone else.