Light. We take it for granted when we have it. But when it is gone…

“Nooooooooooooo!”

I screamed for what seemed like hours when they closed the door. There was no light. Not one little bit. None from under the door. None through a window. No light at all.

I had only been in such complete darkness when they turned the lights off in a cave in Arizona. We were kids taking a tour of some caverns. The tour guide said be prepared, but there was no preparing for being in total blackness. I remember putting my hand right in front of my face. Nothing. I could see nothing. Nothing at all.

I did not scream as a kid because that was voluntary. This was nothing like that. They threw me into the room. At least I assumed it was a room. They threw me in from one dark room to another. I heard the latch click as they locked me in. That was when I screamed. Total darkness was terrifying.

I remembered the caves as a kid after I stopped screaming. I remembered that I had control of myself then even though I had no control of the dark. So I figured that I could have control again. Even though I was not in control of how long I would be here or any of the circumstances surrounding my captivity. If it was captivity. I did not know where I was or why I was here. All I knew was the darkness.

I had one memory from before the darkness. It was a face. A beautiful face. I could still see her in my mind’s eye. And it calmed me. Was she my girlfriend? My wife? She was definitely not one of my sisters. I could remember them. I could remember stuff from way back when. I just could not remember what happened to get me here. But I could remember her face. Her beautiful face.

I do not know whether it was a memory or just a fanciful notion, but I saw her eyes pleading with me. Like I should not let myself get put into this situation. Like maybe there was another way to keep me in the light. Keep me in her life. I had to laugh. Like I said, I had no idea whether the thought was a memory or just some fantasy. Something I made up to get me through the time in the dark.

I do not know how long I had been in the dark, but it seemed days. They kept feeding me, so I figured it had been days. I had eaten at least nine meals. Three days worth of food? I did not know for sure. But it seemed reasonable. But I was not sure. The only thing I knew was the dark. And that if I stayed near the door, they would feed me. They would continue to let me live.

I wondered if I might have been kidnapped. But I figured that was not likely. After all, our family had no riches to speak of. We were just normal people. Kidnapping was for people with money. So I kept wondering why I was here. Here in the dark.

I decided that I was not going to let the dark control me after a few more days (or however long it had been). I crawled away from the door. Away from where they fed me. I was not afraid anymore. Or at least not that afraid. I had stayed by the door hoping to get a glimpse of light. Any light. Any light at all. But they always seemed to give me food when I was asleep.

So I figured that I would venture out from the door. I was getting used to the darkness. I was sensing things in a different way than I would have with the light. I did not need to see the walls. I would feel them. I could feel the floor beneath my feet and noticed that it was even. So after a while I just walked instead of shuffling to find out where I was.

---

It was after a short nap and a quick bite that I found I was in a maze. I walked as far in one direction as I could and hit a wall. I felt the adjoining walls and found that I had come to a T. I turned left and went just a few steps with my hands on the walls on either side. The wall on my right stopped. I had come to another T. But I was on the top of the T and the vertical bar went to my right.

I navigated the maze for what seemed like hours. But I knew what I knew and found my way back to the door. I found that there was food.

I lifted the plate to my face. I was about to eat my first bite when I stopped with the fork just below my mouth. Something was wrong. Something was different. I could just smell a whiff of something. Something that did not belong on food. I set the fork back on the metal plate. I took a pinch of the top of the food. There was some sort of dust on the top of what was a half decent meal. I scraped off a top layer of the food with my fork. I sniffed the rest of the food. I wiped the fork off, then ate.

I wondered how long the food had had the layer of dust on it. Was it right from the start of this ordeal? From the first meal that I ate? If so, what was it? Poison? I worried a little. Then I realized. Well, if it was poison, I would be out of this mess. I laughed out loud. The dark did not scare me any more.

In fact, the darkness had made me grow. I had learned to rely on my other senses. I had learned to listen. To smell. To feel. To taste. I could even taste the salt on my lips when I sweated.

---

I was sound asleep when I realized that I could hear the scrape of feet outside. My captors were coming to feed me. I knew they had food because I could smell it as soon as they cracked the door open. But I knew something else. She was there. The woman who I had seen just before they shut the door was here with my captors. Somehow I remembered her scent. Was she here to rescue me?

My captors gave me sunglasses as soon as we got out of the only door I had known for what seemed like forever. We went through another set of doors to a corridor. I looked back at the doors and realized. The small room we had left was like an airlock, but for light. It was why I had never seen even a sliver of light when they opened the door to my maze.

The corridor was huge. At least compared to my maze. I could not reach both walls like I had been able to do when I was finding my way. And it was bright. I was thankful for the light, but I was just as thankful for the sunglasses. We walked across the corridor to an office. And I saw the sun through the big windows.

The woman led me to a chair and I sat. I closed my eyes and just looked at the sun through my closed eyelids. It was light red. It was beautiful. And the sun warmed my skin. Light and heat. Life. I heard the woman sit down at her desk and lift the screen on her laptop. She typed her password. I heard nine keystrokes before she pressed the ENTER key. I smelled the floral scent she was wearing.

“How long was I in that room? That maze?”

“Uh…” I could smell a hint of sweat mix with the floral scent. “Uh… Two months.”

“Two months! Just two months! It felt like four or five.”

“Well, you were only supposed to be in there for two weeks.” I could smell her sweat overtaking the floral scent.

“Supposed to be?”

She asked, “Do you not remember the circumstances of how and why you went into the… maze?”

I shook my head. “No.” I debated for a second before continuing. “In fact, I thought you were my wife for a while. But I must have made that up.”

“Indeed.”

I opened my eyes. I saw the sweat on her brow. The sweat that I had already smelled. I decided that she had more to say. I heard her wiggling her leg below her desk. Restless leg syndrome? Maybe. But I thought that she was nervous for some reason. And I was not going to let her off the hook. I wanted to know. I wanted to know why I was kept in the dark for two whole months.

She sighed. It seemed louder than any sigh I had ever heard in my life. Then, she began.

“You signed up for an experiment. You said you needed the money that we would give you for staying in the dark. Two months was the longest we would keep you in there deprived of both light and companionship. It would be cruel and unusual punishment for anybody if it was forced on him. Well, on anybody but you, apparently.”

She closed her laptop and looked down for a moment. She looked at me and continued, “The goal was to see what effects there were on such sensory deprivation. Specifically light deprivation. And for some reason, you seem to come out of it unscathed. Maybe even enhanced. You smelled the drugs we put on your food. They were to keep you calm. You heard us coming to feed you. You seemed to know when it was somebody new who was bringing your food. You even tasted and felt different foods. We put a food you did not like into several of your meals…”

“Raw coconut,” I interjected.

“Right. We put raw coconut into a couple of your meals. You smelled them first. You took out as many pieces as you could just by feeling your food. Then, you felt the tiniest pieces in your mouth. We weighted the pieces you left on the plate and found that you might have eaten one tiny piece. Or we’ll find it on the ground in the maze.”

She sighed that loud sigh again. “Most people last a couple days. Two weeks was the max before you. And those people almost always banged on the door and cried and did whatever they could to communicate with us to get them out. Sometimes on the first day. Before the first meal. But you…”

The sun was rising higher in the sky. It was morning. I closed my eyes again. I smiled.

“You’re smiling.”

“Yes.” I laughed.

She was silent, but I could tell that she was sweating again. I was not going to let her off the hook.

“But you...” She finally continued her thought. “You almost seemed to enjoy it. At least after a while. Maybe the middle of the second week.”

She look down and she sighed one more time. She looked up directly into my eyes. “Of course, we have a bunch of tests and questions to ask you. Part of the experiment, you know. But it’s a beautiful day out. Why don’t you take a stroll around the campus and enjoy the day.”

I stood up. No need to tell me twice. “Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow, Professor.”

---

I walked out the front door into the sunlight. I closed my eyes and turned my face to the sun. I remembered the light and how wonderful it was. I turned around and opened my eyes to look at the doors I had entered two months ago. And I remembered.

I remembered that I had answered an ad in the university’s newspaper. “Test subjects wanted for a study on the effects of isolation and darkness on the human psyche. Excellent pay.”

I smiled as I looked at those doors. I had entered them looking for a payday. But I had just exited them knowing that I had gotten so much more. Not the least of which was an appreciation of the light. The beautiful, magnificent, warm, comforting light. Even if I did not keep my enhanced senses, I would appreciate the time I had had with them. I would appreciate my time without the light. And now that I was in it again, I would appreciate the light. I would always and forever appreciate the light.