“I wish… I wish…”

“Don’t you dare say it!”

We’d been turning in circles for hours. She/he/they refused to admit it, but we were both falling w/ no return.

How the hell had this even happened? I knew her/his/their sexuality, but I couldn’t figure mine out, & I’d been slightly struggling w/ it for a while. I’d known for some time by now that I was panromantic as I noticed I was attracted to everyone, didn’t matter if the person was female, male, non-binary, trans, or gender fluid. If they were cute, they were cute. But I’d only ever had thoughts of doing more w/ males. So had this happen?

How did I used to find the girl who used to sit across from me in English cute?

How, when I had just been crying in a corner next to my best friend, trying to process a major friend group break-up, did I suddenly find them cute?

& how did I find one of my best friends all of a sudden kind of cute?

Was I bi? Pan? Was I still straight & it was just my panromantic self?

Up until now, I had called myself straight bc it hadn’t mattered whether I was panromantic or not; I was heterosexual. But now I was starting to question it.

So what did I want? What did I wish for?

I still don’t know.