Heaven. I’ve been told all my life that I must be a good girl so I can join my mother up in the sky. So I was. I got good grades, graduated college, did my service, raised a kid, and died.

I sit in a white room with a black door across from me. A painting of a circle hovers over me almost glowing. Everything smells fresh. Like walking down a flower shop. But something doesn’t feel right. There’s no parade, or god, or mom. It’s just me in a white room. I get up and put my handle on the knob of the black door. When I begin turning my hand trembles and I get the instinct to turn back. What if this is the test? I must not open the door and let my curiosity get the best of me. But maybe I must go through and prove my bravery. I debate in my mind the different options until a clicking sound come from the door.

It unlocks and opens dramatically as a person walks out the door. I can’t tell if they are a man or a woman. They wear a white long robe, short light hair, and have lips as red as blood.

“Sorry I’m a little late Rebeca” they says while looking down on me.

I fall to the ground and begin bowing down. This must be god. This must be it. I’m in heaven.

They raise their brow and extend their long glowing hand towards me.

I grab onto their frigid hand and they lift me up.

“God, I’m sorry for all my sins” I say trying to get back to my knees. I must repent from my sins before they sends me to hell.

“I am not your God Rebeca. But I can be if you want.”

I raise my brows and squint my eyes.

“Who are you then?” I ask

“I’m every one, and everything Rebeca. I’m you, your children, your childrens children. I’m the trees that give you air, and the animals that give you food.”

Their words hit me like a bullet and I fall back to the couch.

“Don’t be scared Rebeca. I am you and every one else. I am peace and war. I am love and hate. But I won’t harm you. Because harming you is harming myself and everyone else”.

They squint their eyes and looks at me as if they know everything about me.

“Rebeca, are you ready to join us” they say.

I begin shaking my head, screaming in terror. I don’t want to be part of them. I want to be me. I want te be with mom. But before I can run I feel myself leave my body and enter theirs.

Inside their is heaven but not like I imagined. Mom is there, my children are there, but we are all somehow the same. I’m at peace, harmonized with the others. But a part of me always wants to go back to earth and warn people, when you harm others, you harm yourself.