there is a scar behind my ear leading down my neck. i tell people that i slipped and hit a doorframe, because i've heard the spiel of "maybe this sport isn't good for you" far too many times and i'd rather not hear it again.

it could not be further from the truth.

in little mites, there was a boy who hated me. truly hated me.

now he's one of my best friends and dating one of my players. but we'll get to that later.

andrew was a kid who was raised with the mentality that hockey was a man's sport, and a man's sport only. i was the only girl, an asian one at that, on any team in my little mites league. on top of that, i was the goalie. i still am, six years later- although now i'm the captain, running my own league out of a beat down rink with rough ice whenever we have enough money to rent.

countless harsh chirps were hurled my way, and i mean _harsh_- not many little white boys are raised without conservatism in the american deep south- with several players going against the absolute number one no-no in hockey: fighting the goaltender. most of the time my teammates didn't care. they only cared when i got a shutout.

andrew was one of many who enjoyed beating the shit out of nine-year-old me. he'd often rip my blocker off of my hand and hit me with it. i've had to be benched for more than a few games with a concussion because of this.

but it never went further.

well.

on december 9, 2019, andrew patrick mcintosh knocked down allen ting xu with both parties' parents looking on in the stands.

somehow, andrew's skate was kicked into the air and into the back of allen’s mask.

somehow, nobody saw what really happened.

somehow, andrew was not penalized.

somehow, allen kept playing.

i got stitches after the game. the mark runs from the back of my right ear to the left side of my nape.

andrew still apologizes for it. every time i see him, be it on the ice or at school or when we go on joint team bonding trips, he lays a hand on the back of my neck and says, "i'm sorry i did that."

sometimes he says, "at least you got a cool scar." that makes me smile.

our reconciliation was born out of andrew falling head over ass in love with my team's star center, faris. it's a wattpad cliche, i know, but wattpad cliches are always inspired by something, right?

so, now he's a brother in arms, i guess. he'll come over to my house on fridays with faris and my alternate captains, thomas and kris, and we'll all have "half-gear lunch(as coined by sidney crosby)" in the driveway with our rollerblades and shin guards and goalie pads on.

even in these happy moments, he will still put a hand on the back of my neck and say, "i'm sorry."

sorry for what?

that you gave me the mark of a soulmate?