First Day

I woke up after very little sleep, up all night shifting and turning, sweating, nerves on edge. I follow my normal morning routine: out of bed, brush teeth, shower, get dressed. The usual. As I adjust my hair in the mirror, I can’t help but stare at my reflection, pondering about what my day is going to consist of, what my life is going to be like after this day, and as I over think it, I feel drips of sweat trailing down my neck, I feel my heart beating faster and faster, blood pumping around my body at an abnormal rate. Blood. Flashes of blood. It’s all I can think about. I can feel my forehead dripping in sweat, almost as if someone had just tipped a class of water over my head. I tell myself to get over it, it’s the least of my worries. I head out the door and get straight into my car, as I’m driving I’m barely concentrating at all, my mind all over the place.

I stopped my car at the destination and I sit, again, pondering about how this day, this moment, is going to change my life. I step out of that car after almost twenty five minutes of nerves crushing me down, I walk over to the door. Knock knock. Blood. Sweat. I pinch myself to snap out of it, it’s not the time to be over-thinking. Knock knock.

There’s a rustling sound behind the door as it’s being unlocked. I can feel everything going in slow motion, I can feel my heart thumping out of my chest.

The door opens slowly.

“Hi there,”

I can feel guilt and shame through my body as I drip with sweat. My whole body vibrating with nerves.

My life is on the line - I can not hesitate.

I closed my eyes as I raised my arm, aiming the gun at his head. Bang.