I am a people pleaser, I never think about the things that I want to do. It’s normally just, “do they want me to do that?” or “would they still enjoy being around me?” But lately it’s been different. There is this guy, he is tall, has brown hair and is always around me. Or am I around him? Well, that doesn’t matter. So, this guy, he follows me around and usually tells me what to do. For example, this one time he told me to do a little dance for him. I didn’t actually do it, I don’t know why though. I’ve always been a people pleaser, why not please this guy? But somewhere inside of me I felt quite embarrassed, I felt vulnerable. I felt angered, I was mad. I was mad towards that guy, I felt a rage. But I was also pissed, not at the guy, but at myself. I was pissed that I was so vulnerable, that I never stood up for myself. This thought came up to me, a strange unusual thought. At least, strange for me. The thought was: “I am not a toy to be used.” I know I am no toy, but do people use me? More importantly, do I let people use me? Maybe, but why should that matter? Why should I care if I’m being used? Why should I…

That led me to another thought, who am I? What do I stand for if not helping others? I know I like the Fall, because those red leaves give me a comforting feeling. But, what else is there to me? Am I really just a toy to be used? I don’t want my fate to be like that. I don’t want people standing over my grave saying: “She always helped me, with everything. What a bummer she’s dead, let’s just all continue our lives.” Normally I wouldn’t really care, but it’s different now. For some reason it pains me to be used like this. I guess I should do something about it. Maybe tomorrow…