I am the shadow of Eve,
squirming in sin.
A void, where star
scattered scars bleed within.
I tried, but couldn't survive,
this mirror illusion
called life.
My mind pushed
and shoved
behind the mask
of a Milky Way home.
Disease and hell riddled
deceit,
buried deeper than
my bones...
-HMG
“A void, where star
Scattered scars bleed within.”
That really got me!
The pace works and the structure looks fine to me - the piece has strong imagery that bring me back to very universally grand topics (Adam and Eve, the stars, life and death).
On the character development, it feels like you talk from the point of you of the archetype of a woman rather than a character who evolves throughout the piece.
Great job anyway!
