“What seems to be the issue, sir?” The robot asked the man.

The man decided he strongly disliked the faux mouth it had. It was too real, yet too artificial, with a sheen of moistness and a strange rubbery bounce like a swollen flounder.

He did not approve of the technological advances of late. Society was far too dependent on machines for his liking. And they were _creepy_!

“Well, the issue is,” his tone was dripping with sarcasm, imitating the bot. “You all won’t let me into my own damn house!”

“I understand your frustration, but first, I’m afraid you’re going to have to grab some identification.”

“Yeah, well I’m _afraid_ that is inside my house. I was just going out for a minute to empty the trash!” He was fuming now, standing there overheating in his fuzzy tree slippers and matching jammies.

The bot pulled out a screen. “Please select all the squares that contain an apocalypse so we can confirm that you are not a robot.”

He couldn’t help but laugh in disbelief. What a world. He shuffled over to the bot, selecting every single square, just for the hell of it. It brought him a little joy to mess with the metal golems.

“Good choice, the apocalypse is everywhere,” it responded monotonously.

“What did you say?” The man was dumbfounded. AI had gotten too disrespectful.

“No, sir, I did not speak.” He swore he saw the thing smirk when it thought he wasn’t looking. He gave it a nasty look in return.

“So are you going to let me in my home? This is ridiculous; it’s like the opposite of breaking in.”

“Yes. First, I need some identification,” it replied, emotionless as ever.

“I TOLD YOU ALREADY,” he snapped, “THAT’S IN MY HOUSE!”

“Sir, calm down. That is one warning. Do not harass your public servants.” It certainly seemed like a threat.

“Well, surely you must have other methods of tracking every single human on earth. In fact, I know you do, creepy little bugger.” He was trying to keep his cool, but clearly failing miserably. _Deep breaths_, he reminded himself. _Remember what I learned in anger management._

”Look, if you don’t let me into my own house, I’ll be forced to break in,” he reasoned humorously. Sirens starting going off. _Uh oh_.__

__

“Calling for reinforcements. Human has expressed intent to commit a crime.”

“No, no, no please, it was a joke,” he panicked.

A few moments later, a police hovercar arrived, touching down expertly on his lawn. _Great_.

“So I hear somebody wants to commit a criiime,” the officer said gleefully. Clearly, he was bored. At least it was a human this time.

“You see, Officer, I was just taking out the trash when I realized I left the auto-lock setting on my door. My passkeys are inside. So, I called customer service to get my door unlocked. Instead of being helpful, they sent this little maniac with botoxed lips and an attitude. You see, if they just let me back in the house, then we wouldn’t have this problem!” He ranted.

“But sir, we still must address your threatening of a public servant and uh,” he checked his tablet, “declaration that you were going to commit a crime.”

“Look, I just woke up, I’m starving, and I’m overheating in this sun. Excuse me if I’m a touch grumpy, and please, just let me in my home!”

“I’m afraid I’ll need to see some ID.”