Episode Title: Family Matters

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Narrator:

A series where we find and interview characters from the most beloved fairytales, to find out what they’ve been up to after the fame and maybe hear an untold story or two. Today’s episode brings us to Fairy-Land Correctional Facility.

Interviewer:

Please introduce yourself and the fairytale your from.

Guest:

Hello, my name is Tim and I had two brothers Paul, and Ruddy. But you may know us as The Three Little Pigs. I’m the middle child, Paul was the oldest, and Ruddy was our sweet baby brother.

Interviewer:

First I would like to thank you for doing this interview with us today. And I noticed you said had two brothers. Are they the siblings that the wolf got to?

Tim:

(Tim chuckles) Nah. The wolf only got Ruddy and Paul was the one with the brick house who survived. I was the other one the wolf tried to get, but he only got one of my legs. I just got a new prosthetic too.

Interviewer:

So the story we all know is inaccurate I assume?

Tim:

Well the original story that the cops have on record has all that information, but it’s been passed around for generations. Different people changing tiny facts here and there to make it more “interesting” I guess. So yeah I would say it’s inaccurate.

Interviewer:

So if originally only your brother Ruddy got caught by the wolf, why is it only you now?

Tim:

(Grinning, Tim answers) Why do you think I’m in prison, with a life time sentence?

Interviewer:

(Shocked) Please elaborate.

Tim:

Well Paul was an asshole, and he had the ability to help me and Ruddy but he decided not to. Not to mention he stole my fucking brick house idea.

Interviewer:

Your saying you gave Paul the plans for the brick house?

Tim:

I didn’t give him shit, he stole those plans from me. But we were brothers so I didn’t think it mattered which one of us built the house, because family comes first. But boy was I wrong, that bastard wouldn’t let us in.

Interviewer:

Are you saying that once the house was built, from the plans that Paul stole from you, he refused to let you come in?

Tim:

That’s exactly what I’m saying. And at first we thought it was just one of his little practical jokes he likes to play, so me and Ruddy were just gonna chill outside until he got bored. But after about thirty minutes I saw the wolf coming down the street.

Interviewer:

You could see the wolf from where you were, outside the house?

Tim:

Yeah, the house was built on a hill and you could see pretty far down the road. But even if we could see someone coming it would still take them about 20 minutes to reach us.

Interviewer:

Ok, please continue.

Tim:

Well once I saw the wolf I told Ruddy we needed to get inside. So we went up to the door and I knocked on it, Paul looked out the little window on the door after about 30 seconds. I told him that the wolf was coming in this direction and that he needed to let us in.

Interviewer:

Had the wolf noticed you yet, how far was he at this point?

Tim:

No, I don’t think he had noticed us yet because he was still about 15 minutes away and walking up the road pretty casually. But Paul looked past us at the wolf, and then walked away. That motherfucker actually walked away.

Interviewer:

He saw the wolf and walked away from the door? He made no attempts to open it at all?

Tim:

(Angrily) Not a single one. In that moment I realized Paul didn’t give a fuck about us family or not.

Interviewer:

How is Ruddy reacting to all of this?

Tim:

He was in full panic mode, he was shaking and crying and asking me over and over “what do we do now?” and “why won’t he let us in?”

Interviewer:

What did you tell him?

Tim:

(Tim seems remorseful) I wanted so badly to say “I don’t know,” but once I looked into my baby brothers eyes I realized he needed me and I had to step up and do something…anything.

Interviewer:

You really cared for your younger brother I see.

Tim:

(Tim starts tearing up) Hell yeah, it was always me and Ruddy growing up. We weren’t that far in age so we were pretty close as kids. We really didn’t have much of a relationship with Paul until we got older, and it was going pretty well…at least I thought it was.

Interviewer:

So what did you and Ruddy end up doing?

Tim:

I told Ruddy we would need to make a temporary shelter to keep ourselves safe. By the way all that talk about us making houses out of sticks and straw is just bullshit.

Interviewer:

So there was no straw or sticks involved?

Tim:

I did use some straw, but it was to make some covering so hopefully the wolf wouldn’t see us. He was notorious for having a bad sense of smell, so as long as he couldn’t see us we would be fine.

Interviewer:

Oh, really? Everyone says he found you all by sniffing you out.

Tim:

Nope, that wolf couldn’t smell anything unless it was brought up to his nose. That’s one of those facts people tweaked to make it seem more intense.

Interviewer:

Interesting, so you were using straw to make visibility difficult. What was the structure being made out of?

Tim:

There were some left over metal rods from when Paul was building his house. He had left them on the grass outside. So we grabbed some and started building a giant cone shaped structure where we would sit in the middle, surrounded by the straw walls. And we had to move fast the wolf would be turning the corner in a little over 5 minutes.

Interviewer:

If you were building a shelter that would make you unable to be seen, what happened? How did the wolf get Ruddy?

Tim:

It’s my fault, I hadn’t grabbed enough straw from the pile so I had to run and get more. I told Ruddy to stay behind the already set up portion of the wall, but I had forgotten that I hadn’t tied it down yet so the straw was loose. And when Ruddy gets scared he starts to shake really badly.

Interviewer:

So the straw fell off the structure?

Tim:

(Sadly) Yeah, and by time I came back with more straw the wolf had gotten to him. I swore we still had some time for me to go and come back.

Interviewer:

What happened next? At that point you could have run away, how did you still lose a leg?

Tim:

When I saw Ruddy’s lifeless body, I lost it. I ran at the wolf and pushed him away. He fell to the ground witch gave me enough time to grab one of the rods we were using. But before I could fully turn around he tackled me. I fought with everything I had, eventually he bit into my leg but I was able to reach the rod and I started beating him with it until his grip had loosened. And then I took the end of the rod and plunged it through his chest.

Interviewer:

(Surprised and confused) Wait, you killed the wolf? The story most people, myself included, know is that it was the one in the brick house who killed the wolf. Which in this case would have been your brother Paul.

Tim:

After having to fight the wolf off, I crawled over to Ruddy’s body and passed out laying next to him. I was exhausted. But Paul took that as an opportunity to tell the police who arrived that he fought and killed the wolf. Fucking bastard.

Interviewer:

So what happened next?

Tim:

I was in the hospital for about a month and a half. I kept thinking about everything that happened, and what the news was telling everybody. And the last 2 weeks that I was in that hospital bed is when I decided that Paul would have to pay for causing the death of our little brother Ruddy.

Interviewer:

How did you make him pay? And is that how you ended up in here?

Tim:

It’s the only reason I’m in here. After I got out of the hospital I found out that the bastard was still living in that fucking house. He even found himself a girlfriend who was living there with him.

Interviewer:

In a month and a half he found a significant other and they started living together?

Tim:

That’s what I thought at first, I only found out afterwards that they had been married for over a year. Paul knew, from the moment he stole those plans from me, that he would be living in that house and starting a family with her at whatever cost.

Interviewer:

And you knew none of this?

Tim:

Nope, but I thought if he loves that house so much he would lock his own brothers out. Him and whoever he was with could be locked in. So I did just that, I locked that selfish motherfucker and his wife inside. Then I set it ablaze with a molotov cocktail right through the smallest window.

Interviewer:

(Astonished) You burned your brother and his wife alive in their own house?

Tim:

(With a pleasant grin) Yep, and I stood back and watched as they struggled to get out. And I would do it again.

Interviewer:

You stayed at the scene and watched?

Tim:

Sure did, I saw the whole thing.

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(Episode ends with a smiling Tim)