What the fuck am I going to do? I know nothing about philosophy. My philosophy is to leave philosophizing to the philosophers. But that’s me now I guess. Oh shit I gotta speak now.

“Hello everyone! It is I, the greatest philosopher in the world! I know you are all wondering the meaning of life. If you ask others, they will give you many different answers, but I have found the real one.”

Have I? I’d like to know now. Can I please go back to my body now? Whoever is trying to torture me it’s working. I’ll just make up shit.

“I have been studying philosophy for years. I have spent almost all my life, to find the meaning of yours. The meaning of my life, is to find the meaning. Your meaning of life is to worship me once I find the answer, and I have. That is it.”

What the hell did I just say? They worship me? I guess that’s nice. Will this actually work? No one’s doing anything.

“And since your meaning of life is to worship me, when you make the statues, please don’t do me dirty.”

Silence. That was a joke obviously. This philosopher is so ugly I don’t think it’s possible to not do him dirty. Do me dirty. I’m him now. Fuck.

“So thank you for your time, I can’t wait until you get to your worshiping!”

Applause. Finally. I think I’m gonna pull this off!