*written right before 2024 (end of December), when Duolingo sent a pretty threatening email which inspired me 😂 and I was waiting to post it here until I found a prompt that worked with it 😊)

Hey, it's Duo.

You've forgotten about me again.

Just you wait for 2024,

You'll regret your decisions then.

I'll come at you with a pickaxe,

A knife, a dagger, a sword.

Continue each day with your lessons.

You'd better not get bored.

I need justice.

You've failed me once more.

I am getting angry.

Go to practice, this is war.

If you don't learn your language,

A sharp pain will strike you soon.

Feel my wrath, Duo's madness.

You rancid little goon.

I will bring this case to court,

The jury shall make you pay.

I'll win, as always, of course.

You cannot live another day.

Idiot, foul human.

You'll never beat the owl.

For I am wiser than a god,

So go ahead and scowl.

The demons'll possess you.

I won't hear another word.

After all, take a look at me;

I'm just a silly old bird.

I can get away with murder.

If you don't listen to me.

Do your job on Duolingo-

Or you'll get eaten for tea.

My violent tendencies play out,

Most often in my head.

You don't want them any other way,

Else you'll wind up dead.

Do not go home tonight,

If you have not prepared.

I may create an accident,

A trap; and you’re ensnared.

Listen here, young child.

It is rude to show insult.

Obey my every command,

Join me in my cult.