I knew.

I knew the moment the words left my mouth that they should never have been said. They should’ve been bottled up and thrown into the nearest lake.

I should throw myself into the nearest lake.

He could smile and look perfect all he liked, I knew. Even as he spoke of gratitude and happiness I knew all the while that this was very last thing that would ever be so much as a possibility to him.

Looking at him, I was shocked at his ability to mask his own shock. Surely he had never even seen me in any other light and here I was, revealing that I, somehow, for just a moment, had.

Somewhere between the late night religious talks, the drives from here to there, the friendliness that had bordered—that I had thought had bordered—

Idiot.