Sitting here looking from the inside out, no where else I can go. Feeling the end is coming, scared of the unknown. No one ever knows what they may have to deal with in life or how they will handle the situations we can only speculate what we may do or how we may react. All the things through our life that seemed so bad or something so unbearable, it is nothing to knowing your dying and there is nothing you can do about it. Scared out of my mind still unable to find my peace, it is hard to come to terms with. There is no date they have no idea how long I may go through this before my body can not take it anymore. There is so much I wish I would have done or said that I did not nor will I get to do. Feeling completely lost and full of regret of not ever accomplishing becoming someone in life or accomplishing a goal to leave something for my kids to be proud of. Now they are coming to see me in a home where they send people to die, you know what’s coming not many who go there leave getting better. I’m just being real I can use my imagination on this I could only dream I could think it and my disease disappear cause I want it to.

If I could only find my self and inner peace, this is what I am on a search of with in myself. I am hoping before I pass I can successfully locate this with in me. It would be nice to have a calming over me being okay and being at peace having a understanding.

If I could only not be completely depressed thinking only sad things. All the memories are sometimes hounding me replaying in my mind. Painful and heartbreaking many memories make me pour tears some sadness, hurt, and happiness too. So many things I will no longer be there for in life some good and some bad. At this point good or bad I would rather be here to experience it all than to be slowly being erased as I am now.