In the beginning it was all I wanted

The light I always yearned to see

For many years I had been haunted

My biggest wish was to be free

They called me sensitve but strong

When mentioning my inner pain

I didnt think that they were wrong

I just wanted to be myself again

Went to the doctor with my mother

I’ve done this more than I recall

One diagnosis after the other

Sarcasticly yelling “gotta catch them all”

But one day I began to wonder

Would I ever make it through

I begged the sea to take me under

Accept me in its arms so blue

They scraped up what was left of me

Put me in a room way too bright

They took my crochet hooks, all three

And gave me pills that dimmed my fright

Then my hope I rediscovered

Rock bottom made it clear to me

I dreamt of being out, recovered

What a day that would be

I yearned for this for oh so long

To be okay was all I asked

I should be breaking out in song

Happy that I’m now free at last

And yet I don’t feel any glee

I’m not so certain of it all

And though I’m better, out and free

I cant help thinking “well, what now?”

———————

Note:

Personally, I find that “getting better” after years of being ill is a really rough experience. It’s super weird suddenly having to deal with a future you didn’t expect to be a part of.