Headlight Haze

“Honey, honey you ok!?”



Sepia turned blue my world turns upside down, I feel.. empty. My thoughts cleared with nothing. Like a shutter, just slowly- darkness then peace.


Fuck fuck fuck.

I remember waking up in a hostpital bed the sweet September smell mixed with sterile cleanliness. I couldn’t see. Darkness. No matter how hard I tried to open and close my eyes. Nothing. I could feel my wife’s hand her wedding ring engraved onto my hand “I thought… I thought you were dead.” She said her voice cracking with salt. I could tell I was shaking, “Rose, I can’t see”

Footsteps neared close “I am sorry sir” said a commanding, feminine, voice “you are blind.” I remember crying, holding my wife’s hand to my cheek, my eyes flooding with tears spiralling into my cracked lips. Fuck…

23 months had passed, summer breeze knocking against my cheeks, I walked towards the kitchen and go to my usual spot. Opening the cupboard I retrieve a mug. ‘#1 dad’ chiseled into the side, I boil some water and get a teabag and biscuit and then I just sit in the garden my tea in my hand. The sunlight hits my face, the bristles of the wind brushing against my hair. Rose comes and sits beside me, Bernie sitting at my feet. As I stroke him, his Labrador fur brushed against my skin, his chest moving up and down. “You ok?”

“Yeah” I smile

She smiles back, my hands on her right cheek. “I got you something” I continue. She smiles and almost teasing me she says “Same” I pass her a present from my pocket and she hands me a rectangular box wrapped in wrapping paper. She opens her present “a necklace, with our names on it!” She smiles kissing my lips her hands trailing down to the wooden decking. “Now open yours” I do, carefully tearing off gift wrapping one by one. “I’m confused” I sit there a pregnancy test lying in my hand “it’s positive” she smiles as we embrace. “What does this mean then”

“You’re a dad, again”

I feel warm inside, but fuck I did not expect this to happen again.

8ish months pass. And we have a girl. I name her Harper Anne Stewart cradling her in my arms. Rose is asleep, her eyes heavy with eye bags. Parker is with his grandparents, my phone calling then tommorow. I look into my girls eyes, hazel mixed with green. Her face all scrunched up. We leave soon but for now we just wait.

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