As the blaring sun beats down on my skin i feel more sweat drip from my forehead. Do we really have to clean out my house in the middle of the July heat, i think to myself. As I slowly put more and more of my stuff into boxes, my boyfriend brandon gives me a subtle look “Need any help their?”

“I’m putting clothes into boxes, I’m fine.”

“Alright, your just taking a while could you hurry up? I’m already late to meet my friends.”

“Oh.” I sigh

“What now?”

“I thought we were having date night tonight?”

“Why do you care?” He snaps back

“Oh! Uh i dont its fine.”

“Good now hurry the fuck up.” As I continue putting the piles of clothes on the table beside me into various boxes i spot a red scarf. I don’t think much of it at first, but when i lift it up the smell hits my nose. It smells like her, my grandma. My mum passed away during childbirth so i lived with my grandma till she passed away when i was twenty eight . As i stare at the scarf the terrain around me changes as if im rembering something that I haven’t remembered for a long time. I then see my grandma, right in-front of me. As i reach out to touch her i am interpreted by happy squealing. I look behind my back and i see my younger self, playing in the mud. As i turn back to my grandma her face is filled with so much love and joy. I was confused, im just playing in the mud? But then when i turn around i see myself, graduating from uni. When i look back at my grandma she looks older and less happy, then when i look back at myself i can see that this is the night, the night where i introduced Brandon to my grandma. I see the bruises on my body, and they weren’t from falling over on the way here like i said they were. I then take some steps back, as i know what about to happen. I look back up and see my younger self arguing with her.

“Why can’t you just let this go ma!”

“Because he isin’t right for you can’t you see that!”

“I love him with all my heart, its not my fault you couldn’t hang onto your crappy husband!” I yell this last sentence so loudly it continues to echo, its like i can hear it all around me and it wont stop. “Stop!” I say, i then yell “STOP IT.” The next time i look at my grandma its her in hospital. That argument was the last time i saw her as i kept declining her calls that night thinking she wanted to argue, when she really wanted to say goodbye. She looks upset, i walk over to her tears bundling up in my eyes. “I am so sorry ma.” I say with a voice crack. “You were right about him, i knew you were but i didn’t want to admit it, and i never should have said that because i love you so much and i have never stopped feeling guilty since that day and i will always feel guilty, thats why im selling you house i just can’t live in it anymore.” She then slowly turns her head to face me and says calmly

“I forgive you, but sweetheart. Can you forgive yourself? Can you move on from what you did?” I then give her the warmest hug and suddenly I’m back, just hugging a scraf. My face is covered in tears and they won’t stop coming out.

“What the fuck!? If you want to move in with me Beth you can’t use cry for no reason its weird.”

“No.”

“What was that?”

“I said NO!. I AM NOT MOVING IN WITH YOU.”

“Beth don’t be dramatic i-.”

“SHE WAS RIGHT ABOUT YOU ALL ALONG I JUST NEVER HAD THE COURAGE TO SPEAK UP AGAINST YOUR BULLSHIT!” I scream this so loudly i can barely hear a passing car.

“Woah, lest just calm down Beth its okay.” He then slowly approaches me and puts his arms around me.

“Look you grandma was sick, she didn’t know what she was talking about, i am meant for you.”

“Get off me.”

“What-“

“I SAID GET OFF!” I then push him away with such force it almost knocks him over.

“So what you breaking up with me?”

“Get the fuck off my property, RIGHT NOW! GET IN THAT STUPID ASS TRUCK AND GO HOME.”

“You know what fine! I can hit harder than you, you little bitch! Just remember my last words to my grandma wasent a fucking insult!”

“Well you know what, I’ve moved on so once again GET THE FUCK OUT.” As Brandon drives off I clutch the scarf tight in my arms the way i wanted to hug my grandma that night.

“I did it ma, i did it.”