i am just now processing that i am not able

to process things that happen to me attentively

i only ever knew and thought of this future life fable

and never the freeing feeling of living presently

it was always “get up and move on”

instead of “sit down and feel it,” but now

all the best years of my life are gone

leaving me wishing i could go back somehow

not to even change the present or the past

just to just shake my younger self to look up

every once in a while before it all passed