“I have held many things in my hands, and I have lost them all.” It was my new anthem. Everything, with a single touch would die, the life would get sucked out of their body and transferred to me. My little sister, four years younger, lays dead on the floor, because I thought it had worked. A new form of technology that would allow me to hug my sister, to high-five her.

I have nothing left to live for, now that my only reason is now gone and lost to me forever.

Running out of the house, running past the other broken homes, past the homes that are new and still have room to make cracks, all emotion had left me. The smell of cigarette smoke from the auto shop fill my lungs. My feet run up the steps as fast as they could take me. The door, denting the wall as I slam it open to reveal Auto in the middle of a deal.

He looks at me, as did the others, his face full of disappointment. I take the hint and settle behind a wall next to the kitchen. My head feels heavy and foggy, I begin to question how much a life is really worth. People, for ages, have been trying to price life, slaves, women, and children, all were given a price. How much is my tainted soul compared to the richest, most undeserving person?

“What the hell, Penny?” He punches the air to stay quiet for the other people. “You can’t just walk in here like you’re important. Those people will take you just to get at me, and I won’t help you.”

“Auto, I screwed up. I screwed up bad.” I try to keep my voice from shaking but he notices there’s something wrong.

He puts a hand for me to stay then walks back into the living room. I hear him mumble then some angry mumbles. Sounds like a compromise? The front screen door opens and closes, the people have left. Then a hand grabs my wrist, so tight that he must feel my fast pulse. If only my pulse was fast from him grabbing my wrist.

He pulls me outside, harshly, and the dead grass crunches underneath our steps. Then, he grabs my face, so I’m forced to look into his eyes. His eyes are like golden sledgehammers, breaking every wall and barrier. I try staring at the rings of fire but the tears that can’t be held back begin to hurt. My green irises begin to drown in the salty water, no tears falling, but on the verge.

His thumb creases under my eyes, causing the water to run. With my sleeve, I wipe them away and walk out of his hold.

“Who’d you kill?” I sniffle and he knows it all. “Your sister still on the ground?” Only giving a little nod, I’m pulled back close to him, stuck in his grab. “You hugged her, didn’t you?”

“I just wanted to know how it felt to hug someone.” His arms wrap around my back and my face is pushed into his chest. Warmth and comfort floods me, his arms feel like safety. “What about your ‘No hug rule?’” His arms start to loosen and I hug him back, causing his arms to tighten around me. “Does it always feel this warm?”

“No, this is-because I’m wearing a leather jacket in the sun.” But he wasn’t. I saw it in the kitchen, on a chair. “Because it’s your first hug.” He steps away and it hurts to stop the hug. “We got to deal with the body.”

I sniffle again and grab his hand, turning his attention back to me. “Kill me.”

“No.”

“Please, just kill me.”

“You can’t just not deal with life anymore.” He gets close to me again, but he looks like he’s sincere. Never have I seen him anything but stone and angry. “Life’s a game and everyone tries to push you to the beginning. But you’ll have to finish it anyways, might as well win.”

“I don’t give a damn about winning. Kill me. Auto, if anyone deserves the glory of killing me, it’s you.”

“We made a deal when I first found you, don’t you remember. When you found out that I don’t die from your touch. I won’t hurt you.”

“I hold many things in my hands, these two hands, and I lose them all. Just end the misery.”