“Hey, Carl? Fuck you, Carl. Yeah, I know you can hear me. Don’t think you’re special, you little shit, it only lasts for the day of your 19th birthday. Happened to all of us on this side of the family. I guess your dad’s the real father after all. Ha!”

Right after saying that, my grandma (who hasn’t spoken a word out loud in about four years) lights up another cigarette.

“Goddammit, Carol! I never should’ve let Mark name Carl after you. You’re a terrible role model... Hey... would anyone notice if I smothered you in your sleep? Poor Carol, old and frail. Passed peacefully in her dreams...”

My mom smiles at me sweetly as she puts my cake in the oven. Does she know? I don’t know which is worse.

“Oh shit, is it Carl’s birthday today? Uh, oh, fuck. I’m just messing with you, son. Ha ha! You totally thought I forgot your birthday! Should’ve seen your face! Ha ha! Oh who am I kidding?”

I love my dad but he’s an awful liar. And he forgets birthdays. And anniversaries. And everything else. He’s gonna be late to his own funeral one day.

“How’re you liking The Gift? Freaky, right? Don’t tell mom, she doesn’t know. It’s not a blessing. Or a curse. Just a... an ability. I had it too. God that was a wonderful day. Write stuff down and use it later.”

Susie doesn’t look up from her phone when she thinks this, but the screen illuminates a sly smile on her face.

Today is gonna be hella strange.