(TW mention of suicide and s/h)

We can't cry.

If you get hurt you can't cry. If a dumb boy breaks your heart you can't cry. If your older sister slaps you you can't cry. If your best friend dies you can't cry. No happy tears either. You can't cry on your wedding day because what if it's not happy?

They banned it because it has a ‘negative impact’ on children. Do you wanna know what has a negative impact on children? Falling on the playground and being terrified of what would happen if a tear slipped out. Men in pale blue coats take the kids away if they cry. Those kids come back numb and never smile again.

If people can afford it when they turn 18 they get their tear ducts removed. It just avoids the problem as a whole. Cutting onions was the only way you could get away with crying. It became a good excuse. When you wanted to cry you just had to find an onion. But they said crying even in your own home could make you feel sad and you might cry all the time even in public. We use onion powder to season our food now.

They say it's working. But suicide and murder have spiked. So has self-harm and abuse. Please let us cry! We yell on the steps of politicians' houses. But they just pass bills saying you can't yell either.

I saw someone break down in the produce section yesterday. The men in pale coats showed up in minutes. Her body shook with sobs. As they pulled her out the doors she screamed that it was worth it. I believe her. If I could cry I would. I was one of those kids on the playground. I cried. I'd give anything to cry again. The feeling of letting go and letting your body feel its feelings is genuinely the best feeling and I miss it more then anything.

I found an onion today. It was hidden away behind a can of soup. I got a cutting board and a knife. The tears took a moment to build up. But when they did it was like the dam was broken. Tears ran down my face and I felt the way I felt on the playground years ago.

I cried the tears I wanted to when my mother died.

I cried the tears I wanted to cry when the doctor said I'd never be able to have children.

I cried the tears I wanted to cry when my wedding dress ripped.

With every tear that fell I chopped at the onion. The onion was finally minced in 3 minutes but I kept chopping. My fingers started to feel numb. Then my wrist. Then I noticed the red slashes all the way up to my elbows.

…..

I bled out on the floor that day. The fragments of my soul watched as men in blue coats took my body. I entered a place where I could feel. And the souls around me could feel. I felt happy for the first time in years. I felt the anger I'd ignored. And best of all I felt sad. Sad for the people who can't feel. Sad for the child in me that never got feel alive. Sad for the thousands of children that will be taken by the men in blue coats. Most of all I feel bad for the people of old whose tears drove them to ban crying and almost feeling as a whole.