Its happening again….no not now. I am celebrating, I am happy. People are congratulating me. This is a joyous occasion, this is not the time for sorrow.

I start walking. The people fade. I am alone.

Once the sadness emerges, the only thing I can do is let it happen. There is no way around it; I have to go through it. As I sink deeper in the torment- I feel myself shrinking. The world around me grows out of control and my mind is wondering.

Does she see me now? Does she still think about me? Im trying not to cry but its useless….the tears flow intensely.

Was she happy? Did she have regrets? Im shrinking further.

Does she know that I am trying to be fearless? Does she know that I shouldnt be sad? Does she know that I still have things to do? Does she know that many of those things are for her?

I keep moving. The shrinking subsides. The tears slow down.

Does she remember that time when we couldnt stop laughing? Does she remember when we first heard that song? I smile. The grass and flowers are shrinking now. I am growing.

I remember all the good times, all the bad times and everything in between.

I hope she is proud of me. I miss you mom.