Caroline Winters hated weddings. Not because she was one of those women who swore she was far too independent to need a man, or because she had once had her heart broken and had now turned cynical. She just didn’t like weddings. When asked why, she’d always just shrugged her shoulders and said ‘Because. I just don’t.’ Perhaps it was a genetic quality, and her mother had it too. She would never know.

As she waited for her breakfast to finish cooking, she peeled the sticky note from her refrigerator. I cannot believe this is Becca’s wedding invitation, she thought. Only two lines were written on the pink paper. An address with a line underneath that said ‘formal wear only.’

Becca hired in as Caroline’s assistant earlier in the year, so even though Caroline knew very little about her, she somehow managed to know slightly more than everyone else in the office. What no one knew however, was the mystery man Becca was soon to be marrying. Becca always responded to every question with a shrug or a look that said ‘you’re wasting your time, because I’m not telling.’ Everyone assumed the worst, asking for photographic evidence. That too, was met with more shrugs.

With the day finally upon her, Caroline inhaled her breakfast, got ready and left a short while later. For a June wedding, the Kentucky air had lost much of its humidity and for that she was grateful. The church parking lot was filled by the time she arrived, leaving Caroline to park in an adjacent parking lot and walk over. Having forgotten her sunglasses, she used her hand as a visor for any familiar faces.

She abruptly stopped the minute she saw the only familiar face in the parking lot. Grant Hughe. He stood with his hands in his pockets, laughing with a group of men. His dress shirt was evenly pressed, and even though she couldn’t see his face, she could tell he had been working out. She couldn’t hear what they were saying, but she watched as each one slapped their hand on Grant’s shoulder before making their way inside. Without thinking, Caroline made her way towards him, her heels clicking against the asphalt. Suddenly, she stopped. What was she doing? It had been years since she’d seen him. Their lives had clearly gone in two different directions many years ago. She might think saying hello was harmless, but what if he thought it awkward?

“Caroline?”

Her voice caught in her throat. “Grant,” she squeaked out. “How are you?”

He nodded. “I’m good.” There was an awkward silence between them and Caroline blurted out the only question she could think of.

“What are you doing here?” She asked.

He raised his eyebrows, waiting for Caroline to catch up. When she continued to stare cluelessly at him, he laughed. “I’m the mystery man.”

“Mystery-“ Mystery man. Becca’s mystery man. Becca’s soon-to-be husband.

The color faded from her cheeks and she thought she might pass out. Reaching out, Grant steadied her.

Concern etched across his face. “Caroline, are you alright?”

She waved aside his concern, and stumbled back a couple steps.

“Caroline.” Pulling her to him, she inhaled the scent that could only be described as Grant; fresh rain mixed with cedar wood. Instantly, she was transported seven years into the past, when she and Grant went on their first date.

She remembered the way Grant spilled his coffee on himself and the running joke that became years later. Back in his arms again, she felt like someone had taken all of their memories and dumped them all out, like photographs from a box. Flashes of candlelit dinners, dancing in the kitchen, of vacations out on the coasts, learning to paddle board in the early sunrise. Each memory ached more than the last.

When she opened her eyes, she glanced at the open water bottle Grant was offering her. Grateful, she took it from him. She wiped at her mouth, and wondered what the right words to say were. What is one supposed to say when the only man you’ve ever loved is standing in front of you, preparing to marry someone else?

“It’s been awhile,” she whispered. Truthfully, it was the understatement of the year. Grant nodded, unable to meet her eyes.

“Yeah.” He said.

Caroline hated this. There was more to say than that. She knew that, and she knew he did too. Folks around them made their way inside, each person giving Caroline and Grant a courteous nod and smile. She watched Grant pull up his sleeve and look at his watch.

He motioned to the church. “I should probably get back inside.”

“Me too.”

The church’s air conditioning did little to help the heat she felt rising in her chest. Rushing into the women’s room, she locked the door and looked at herself in the mirror. She didn’t look like a woman on the verge of crying, but her shaky fingers said otherwise. Get it together, she thought. She reminded herself that she and Grant had ended their relationship years ago and that it was inevitable that they would go their separate ways and form relationships with other people. But Caroline couldn’t ignore the look in Grant’s eyes when he saw her…

With the ceremony set to soon begin, Caroline sat in a pew near the front. She couldn’t help but notice the way Grant shifted his weight from one foot to the other, and the way he seemed to clear his throat. Was he suddenly struggling like she was? Caroline glanced at the large oak doors that still stood open and wondered if she could make an exit without causing any sort of disruption. Just as she reached for her purse, soft deliberate piano notes rang into the air.

It was too late. The ceremony was beginning. She would be forced to sit and watch what would certainly be the hardest moment in her life. One by one, each member of the bridal party made their way down the aisle. The bridesmaids dresses were beautiful, each dress a various shade of blue. Caroline was surprised that Becca had chosen blue for the dresses. She’d always said she hated blue. It wasn’t until she caught a glance at Grant, that she realized Becca hadn’t been the one to choose that color. Grant had.

He loved blue, she remembered. She remembered the first time they’d made love in his bed, tangled up in his blue sheets. She remembered the way he gently stroked the knots from her hair and the way he kissed her. The way he whispered ‘you have the most beautiful blue eyes.’ She closed her eyes, letting everything else around her fade away for a brief, solitary moment. She knew that she would never again have those moments with him. And she now knew, more than ever, how much she ached for them.

When she opened her eyes, she saw everyone else on their feet as Becca made her way towards Grant. Embarrassed, she quickly stood and wiped the moisture from her cheeks. She placed the memories and the heartbreak into the back of her mind, where she promised herself she would never look at them again. Without realizing it, a tear had fallen onto her cheek and when Becca gave her a subtle wave under her bouquet, her eyes were rimming with tears too.

Wiping her cheek, Caroline hoped to steal one final moment with Grant. Just one more moment that would forever be only theirs. But Grant had his eyes firmly on his soon-to-be wife. He looks happy, she thought. Taking Becca’s hands into his own, everyone sat down in quiet silence. The priest spoke quickly, and when it was Becca’s turn to recite her vows, she could only make out a few words before tearing up. She laughed them aside, and everyone else laughed with her. Everyone but Grant.

His posture was stoic, and instead of looking at Becca he was looking out the large glass window. Caroline mirrored his movements and looked outside. She could see the tent set up, with glass bulbs hanging from the edges. She’d noticed a food truck parked by the edge of the grass earlier. She now watched young wait staff carry aluminum trays of food to the tent. The scent of molasses and brown sugar carried into the church and Caroline immediately knew what awaited. Barbecued meats. Grant’s favorite.

When she returned to look at Grant, his attention was fixed on Becca. She watched as he wiped a tear from her face. Being that Becca was an aspiring author, Caroline knew that her vows wouldn’t be ending anytime soon. The only thing Becca loved more than writing, was writing about how much she loved her soon-to-be husband.

That was when it happened. Caroline caught Grant looking at her. Neither had any sort of expression on their faces, yet their eyes were having an entire conversation.

I’m so sorry, Caroline.

I know Grant. Me too.

What if I’m making a mistake? What if Becca isn’t the one?

She is, Grant. You guys will have a beautiful life together.

I love Becca, but-

I know. I love you too. I always will.

With the church suddenly falling quiet, Caroline glanced around. Half of the guests were staring at her, while the other half stared at Grant staring at her. It would only make the situation worse if either were to speak, so she turned her attention to her purse in her lap. Satisfied, everyone turned their attention to Grant as he was handed a microphone. Keeping her eyes closed, Caroline imagined Grant speaking directly to her.

My dearest Becca,

Two years ago I could never have imagined I would be standing here, with you. I never imagined I would be in this place. A place where I look into the eyes of my best friend and pledge to you my love.

Caroline kept her head low, soaking in every word he spoke. She remembered the way they spoke about their future. The countless evenings spent in the kitchen together, when Grant would twirl her around claiming what a beautiful wife he had. She’d lean into his chest and sway to the music and remind him that he did not have a wife, he only had a girlfriend. Not yet, he’d whisper to her. But one day I will. Caroline shook her head. What had happened to have gotten them here? She had never envisioned Grant with any other woman at the alter besides her.

You are the sweetest, most loving, caring and kind person I have ever known, and I have no doubt that you make me a better man for it. You believe in me and have shown me how to love with unconditional acceptance, and every day you reaffirm that you are my soul mate. Together, we are an unbreakable pair, bound by our love.

I’m not sure that a lifetime is long enough for me to return all that you have given me, but I promise to spend my days by your side. To inspire you, laugh with you, cherish you, confirm you, and share your dreams and grow with you.

I believe in what we are and I will always love you with every beat of my heart.

With Becca’s wedding band in his hand, Caroline watched and felt her stomach twist on itself. Grant kept his eyes on Becca as he slipped the band onto her finger. She watched the newlyweds seal their ceremony with a kiss, and in that moment she realized that Grant, and all of her memories with him, would be just that.

Memories.