**Guiding us through tales that need to be told.**

**In nature's arms, let our spirit release.**

**A world full of wonders, beyond compare.**

**In nature's arms, let our spirit release.**

**The journey of life is a dream come true. **

**In the vibrations of life, the true self shows.**

**In nature's arms, let our spirit release.**

**In the compass of dreams, let our hearts burn! **

**Alex Hawkins,**

**Dreamer by Alex**

**To the whispering forests, the moon-kissed leaves, and the ancient stones—may our hidden gems continue to inspire our wonderland and weave our dream catchers.**

**To those who dare to dream big, believe hard, and wonder more such as the Dreamweaver, the Seekers of Dreams, and those who have respect for Native Americans and their traditional beliefs. **

**And to you, dear reader, who enjoys to chase the dreams,—may this journey leads your own hidden gems and lead you into Quinault Rainforest where our imaginations come alive.**

**The Whispers of the Enchanted Forest**

** In the heart of the ancient Quinault Rainforest, gloomy and lush forest weaves through emerald leaves, green mosses covered the ground, and dew-kissed petals, there exists a realm unseen by mortal eyes. Here, dreams take root, and magic dances upon the air. It is a place where time bends, and reality blurs—a sanctuary for seekers of forgotten truths.**

**Talk with hands, a deaf Native American nymph man with eyes the color of emerald green and brown who walks the deep forest paths. His both hands, delicate yet strong, hold secrets etched in the lines of his dreams. As a Dreamweaver, he can feel the wind, hug the trees, and see the stars. But Talk with hands uses their hands to use sign language and write the tales with his blue dream feather quill; instead, he weaves stories through graceful gestures—the language of leaves and moonlight.**

**But the forest knows more than his dreamcatchers. Chief Joseph and his Ancestors stir—the Guardians of Whispering rocks, little people, and stick Indians, and a thunderbird. Each entity guards a forgotten stories and tales waiting for a seeker to unravel the threads of destiny. Talk with hands' quest begins—to find and protect the ancient of blue dream scroll, the vibrations to hold the language of the great creator, itself.**

**As he walks beyond and deeper into the enchanted valley into the enchanted forest kingdom, Talk with hands can feel his senses with the imaginations of dreams. The tall and ancient trees lean closer, their branches forming archways to other realms. The wind blows and breeze those stories, and the stones silence. forgotten stories weaving through Talk with hands and his journal stories , for he knows that his journey will unravel not only his stories, but also his shadow-walker - his two spirits lurks in the rustling leaves under the shade and unseen in the blue moon through which the reflection deep blue pacific ocean .**

**"A Seeker of Dreams, Talk with Hands" wants to share his story—a tale of wonder, courage, and darkness in his blue dreams. In between his dreams and writing his journals, he inspires on his red road with his eighth generation of young Chief Joesph, a broken heart. **

**Introduction **

**In the Blue Dream realm where dreams come true,**

**A feather, unresisted, in sea blue fused with baby blue sparkles, **

**comes down with grace,**

**Before the Rainbow Warrior, it rests on my both hands.**

**With honor and my smile, I take the seat.**

**Protectors of the land and sea, all spirits, ancestors along with the dreamers and seekers, are forever cherished in **

**Mother Earth harmony with the Great Creator."**

**- Talk with Hands**

**The Art of Storytelling, Deaf Narratives**

**There he is, Alex L. Hawkins, 39, is a Deaf Seeker of Dreams. He feels a deep connection with Mother Earth and Quinault Rainforest, reflecting his Native American and Germanic roots. His life's work is storytelling, guided by his personal experiences recorded in his journals.**

**As a Gemini, known for communication, and born in the year of the Ox, symbolizing strength, Alex follows the Red Road—a Native American path of life. His writings share the wisdom he gains from nature and his conversations with animal spirits.**

**His Indian name, "Talk with Hands," shows his way of connecting with the world through sign language. His hands shape his reality and leave his mark on the earth.**

**Alex's search for love is a journey to his inner self, with his past experiences shaping his path. His writings, penned with his Blue Dream Feather Quill, are a fusion of his dual spirit and nature. They are tales of dreamers, celebrating the union of love and spirit.**

**Why I Write**

**I write because I long for laughter**

**A friend who shares their world with me**

**Who bares their soul without a filter**

**Just as I have shown you mine for free**

**But finding such a friend is rare**

**It is like a game of hide and look for**

**They hide behind a mask of care**

**And never let me peek**

**I want to know how to be kind**

**How to treat others as they are**

**But it is so hard to read their mind**

**When they conceal their every scar**

**Sometimes, I give more than I get**

**I trust in give and take, you see**

**But this belief is not well met**

**And leaves me feeling trapped, not free**

**Ambition drives me to succeed**

**But it also makes me clash with some**

**Resentment grows like a bad seed**

**And makes me bitter, cold, and numb**

**Through emotional intelligence**

**I hope to bridge the gap between**

**Myself and others, and dispense**

**The walls that keep us from being seen.**

**About us: **

**Who we are **

**Let us imagine that we were born in the small cowboy town of Pendleton, Eastern Oregon, famous annually for its Rodeo Round-ups, nestled in a small valley out of the Blue Mountains. Even more, it resides right next to the Umatilla Indian Reservation. Everyone knows the famous Wildhorse Casino & Resort, which features a 10-story hotel, a bowling alley, a food court, a movie theater, a golf course, RV parks, the nearby Arrowhead gas station, and even a tribal museum. Yet, he was born in 1985 and it was not the same casino because in his time, it was small one-floor old small casino with RV parks and golf course. Included his tribal museum and Arrowhead gas station. Yep, over the years- it sure has expanded. Umatilla Indian Reservation has been successfully self-governed. **

**Frankly, it may be the only excitement in that area. I must tell you why: it takes me 3 and a half hours to arrive in Portland, Oregon, 3 hours to Boise, Idaho, and 2 and a half hours to Spokane, Washington. That is why I mentioned the excitement.**

**Now, imagine an unfortunate Deaf boy born into a dysfunctional family who did not know how to communicate with them. All he did most of the time was scream and stomp loudly until he got his chocolates. That was all he could do.**

**They couldn’t handle him anymore, even when each family member took their turns. Until one day, his mother and he got into a really bad situation. When his mother looked into his eyes, her tears came out, recognizing her favorite great-grandfather’s soul in him and knowing she had to do something about it. So she finally hid and fled with him, behind his grandmother’s back.**

**Once she found him a good family and home, his grandmother became really angry. That was why his mother never came home. May his mother rest in peace.**

**Even though he didn’t know his father, his life began when he was only three years old and lived with the other family who raised him and were members of the Latter-Day Saints church (Mormons) until he became independent after his high school graduation.**

**He developed good communication skills since he had an older sister who was Deaf too. His mom used to teach all his other four sisters sign language first when they were only babies until they learned to talk. So imagine how lucky he was to have communication access throughout his childhood. For example, the family was willing to interpret for him in church and events while he had an ASL interpreter in school full-time. Truly, he had a good childhood, which his family did not have the opportunity to experience. He is forever grateful for that.**

**He played all sports throughout his school years, got involved with some clubs, did service work with the youth program at his old church, attended Deaf camp in summers, worked at his family’s nonprofit business, and many other activities. He was hardworking and had good work ethics. He graduated from high school like most students did, attending a public school instead of the Oregon School for the Deaf (OSD) in Salem, Oregon. His mother wanted him to have a good education, which was fortunate.**

**He was a spoiled brat, for example, when he moved to his freshman year and lost friends from middle school, which was normal. Throughout his freshman year, he was not happy, so the school district and he had a meeting. Furthermore, the Hermiston High School principal approved providing ASL (American Sign Language) classes for next two years in his sophomore year. Afterwards, he made a few good friends.**

**Truthfully, he was always happy and smiled most of the time. He was very naive about the big world and bad people. All the people who knew him never approached him or even spoke to him about anything but only what he needed to know. Even his family and real family kept things from him, which kept him unaware of his own identity later in life. Nobody even told him how they felt and how much they knew about his life more than he did because everyone basically wanted the best for him, especially since he was a genius who was mischievous and had a tendency to have bad attitudes if things did not go his way. He was really handsome and charming enough that people could not resist his smile and beautiful eyes. His energetic personality made everyone love him. Mischievous and funny, he managed to keep himself in his ways so people never knew what he did or did something he was not supposed to do. He tended to be in his room most of the time when he was home with his family. He never liked his family’s conversations about negative things they talked about their friends, family, etc. Yet, fortunately, his Deaf sister kept him company when she visited home from college.**

**He had a smart mouth, I mean, really smart mouth. He could make his mom and sisters cry if he was really hurt or angry. He even laughed when he bent down while his mother tried to slap but missed. He refused to listen to his sisters if he was not in the mood, only until Mom said something. His favorite mottos were, “Why?” and “Because Mom said so!” when people asked him questions. Rather than answering them, he wanted answers first. Irony.**

**Deeper in his later childhood story, people should’ve never hidden things from him because he never learned the hard way and dealt with it emotionally while under his parents’ supervision, rather than finding out later in his adult world.**

**A few years after his graduation, he found out the truth about his mother who raised him and kept his real family, his heritage, and addiction a secret because she only wanted the best for him. He discovered it through finding his file in his mother’s office. He never knew he had a file and asked his mother why she did not tell him. Of course, his mother denied it. He became a different person, sadly, because he never knew the betrayal or felt lied to, especially by the family who raised him. It was wrong to do.**

**There was a really long hard journey that awaited him, unknown and uncertain for a long time until pretty much recently this year.**

**Starting with his first few heartbreak starting with this right after his graduation, he moved out. A few weeks later, his parents drove him with his stuff to Utah, where he got accepted for his X-ray technician major at Utah Valley State College in Orem, Utah. He got his first apartment in the same building area where his Deaf sister lived, just across the swimming pool from his apartment.**

**One thing we must be aware of is that the Deaf and Mormon communities surrounded him, which was all new to his world. Imagine, he attended the Deaf Ward church nearby only once, and never again. His Deaf sister later found out, since they went to the same church, and then confronted him in his own apartment.**

**Yep, he was gay. He had a friend and a new boyfriend who spent time with him. They were as surprised as he was and waited until he returned after talking with her. Unimaginably, the next day, his sister dared to tell their mother and then the whole family. He found out after arriving at his friend’s home and using her computer to check his emails and talk to his mother. This was before he bought his first cell phone, ever! It was the first Sidekick phone from T-Mobile.**

**Unfortunately, his mother was upset and told him. He was really broken because he wanted to tell her himself, rather than having his sister tell her. He thought he could trust his sister but did not understand the betrayal yet.**

**Therefore, he lost his whole family and his Deaf sister as his support. He got kicked out of his apartment because of religious reasons, as being gay was not allowed based on their religious property. Even worse, he found out that he had to spend $4000 for his out-of-state tuition after a meeting with a Vocational Rehabilitation counselor who made mistakes and apologized to him. He didn’t understand there were other options.**

**There he was, all alone and heartbroken. His first ex-boyfriend who asked him to marry him at the waterfront Vancouver B.C. and then cheated on him in his face- it was how he first smoked his seventeenth cigarettes that he demanded from his friends who smoked, then slept after. **

**So afterwards , his ex-boyfriend and friends who was from Seattle in Washington invited him to go along with them to fly back there. Basically, he moved. He left his home life and faced a bigger, harsh world. His life story had began. **

**For example, when he departed from the airport and went in his friend car to ride and went to Seattle downtown on a nice sunny afternoon on that day. He sat in the back of the car and rolled down the window just to smell all scents because he had never smelled anything like that with thousands and thousands more trees than anywhere he had been. **

**Later that night, he walked on Broadway Ave in Capitol Hill. It was full of gay and lesbian people, including various groups like punk, gothic, satanist, homelessness, and rude people that he was really amazed by and felt lost in the darker world. From there, his life changed forever, and he made many bad choices that made him really strong and developed addictive behaviors over the years.**

**Before I continue the story, we must be aware of him that he denied his addiction until he became 27 years old, and lost everything he had in his life, after with his successful life in Portland life.**

**We are Two-Spirits, honored to fly high and soar with the Golden Eagle, our directional totem. Through his Elemental totem, Butterfly which transformed his another spirit - ‘Talk with Hands' - a name given by some Elder man, we embrace our sacred gift within the bloodline we carry, a lineage that traces back to Chief Joseph of the Nez Perce. With his stone totem that has untold story through his eighth family generations, we remain to stand honor with his legacy of leadership, resilience, and profound connection to the land courses through their veins, sharing his legend, and guiding by their spirits on his Red Road. It is a heritage of strength and wisdom, a testament to the enduring bond between their ancestors and Mother Earth. Those were inspirations based on his little Earth Medicine, Deer book. “Little Earth Medicine Library: Brown Bear”by Kenneth Meadows1:**

** ◦ This book is part of The Little Library of Earth Medicine series. It explores personality profiles based on birthdates and the Native American Medicine Wheel. Each volume in the series relates to a different birth time, offering spiritual guideposts, appropriate trees, animals, and colors.**

**With his real father, he remains to be unknown. One day, he took his DNA test through Ancestor online and found out that he has Native American blood and some Germanic European blood from his real father, with no name.**

**First, He used to attend the alcohol and drugs treatment full-time based on his court orders because, yep, he broke two laws which were DUI and Assault 4th in 2008 and 2009. In his long run, he graduated from both school and treatment for 2 and half years, while he was supposed for only 6 months with his court’s order. It was because of his stubbornness, smoking weed. He loved to smoke weed, rather than staying sober. **

**Yet, he managed to go school for full time, including the AA meetings. Was he clever, he graduated from both college and alcohol and drugs treatment in the same month. After that, he went on his own and, even today, he has not broken any laws since. **

**He managed to make it through Clark College for three years with his Culinary Arts program at Clark College in Vancouver, WA in January 2008 and he graduated in June, 2011. His first career was with Holiday Inn Portland Airport in Portland, Oregon and worked in the department of banquet/buffet preparations, AM Line Cook, and made sauces and soups daily for three and half years. He received his employee award for the best breakfast gravy, and once worked with Chef alone for the VIP- which went successful. **

**While he lost his families and went difficult times in his past, he managed to make a lot of random friends and the Deaf community from all northwest states knew him. He was very well-liked and well-known as in good reputation. He did volunteer for cooking breakfast at Deaf World Timberlake camp in Oregon- as sous chef for one week with 500+ Deaf campers. The other volunteer he did was cooking Christmas Dinner Party for his nonprofit organization- Northwest Rainbow Alliance of the Deaf at his home and hosted one night. Both were successful, indeed.**

**He used to be bar-hopper in downtown Portland bars and nightclubs. He also partied with many different deaf people. He just went along with everyone apparently. Unfortunately, in his complex love life, none were successful. Most out of 21 ex-boyfriends he had been cheated on and been busted them himself. He was real pothead and smoked cigarettes since he was 18 years old. He used to black out for 5 years, including driving. He was truly insane, yet he managed to control his own life by not getting the shot. He can empathize with his own self in this world and still alive today as watch his back everyday and forget about his own past life. Matter of fact, not just those. It had been like that since he was 18 years old and lived in downtown Seattle. He had unprotected sex with seven men in few months and had to go hospital to get shot and clean. He changed his clothes style in unusual and unexpected fashion all times to avoid being caught up with his true identity. He managed to keep himself busy and those people who loved him to comfort them and made them laugh, had good times. Those were day-less times when he had been in good company with others who would be happy to be with him while he kept all to himself and listened. Over years, he never expressed or shared his feelings which developed his shadow and addictive habits, especially his anger unknowingly. **

**Then one day, he quitted his career in June 2013 and disappeared from Portland and the Deaf community for good. **

**In those struggling years he went through for last 13 years, he truly impacted on all people who knew him, including his both families. He hurtled and lied to everyone, where he chose to leave his life with them and found what his life was all about. **

**Later on, he became isolated for good eight years, until a few year ago. Nobody knew what he was doing, nobody even stopped by and visit, or for any holidays most of time he spent it alone. Yet, I must dare to share this, “How the hell he can still smile?” Someone once asked him.**

**He responded, “Why the hell not?”**

** **

**What if?**

** His famous way of asking questions or engaging with people was through the lens of "what ifs." He possessed unique and highly imaginative qualities that made him an expert storyteller.**

**Growing up with five sisters and three additional half-sisters, each with different fathers, he stood out in a family devoid of brothers or knowledge of his biological father. But it wasn't merely family dynamics that intrigued him; he delved into deeper questions.**

**At eleven years old, he grappled with a significant query: "What if I'm gay?" This secret remained locked within him until he graduated from high school, his imagination running wild as he envisioned how his family might react. Despite the uncertainty, he clung to the belief that nothing truly dire would befall him. Little did he know that his deaf sister would eventually reveal his truth.**

**High school brought unexpected surprises. In his first year, he sat next to a girl who proved to be a bad influence. She surreptitiously shared answer sheets posted on the classroom wall, tempting him to cheat in his math class. Math—a subject he loathed—became even more challenging. As the semester drew to a close, the final test exposed his deception, drawing attention from the ESP program, his mother, and his ASL interpreter. Even the high school principal expressed concern about his education.**

**During a lengthy meeting, they confronted him. Embarrassment washed over him as he faced the consequences of being caught for the first time. The verdict? He might have to repeat a fifth year of high school. His eyes widened, jaw dropping, he exclaimed, "Why?!" Their surprise mirrored his own, but they resolved to support him throughout his academic journey.**

**Undeterred, he posed another question to the principal: "What if I improve? What if I pass all my classes and graduate on time?" Their response was clear: hard work and determination could make it possible. So, during his senior year, while his friends enjoyed half days based on their credit load, he took a full course load. And guess what? By his sophomore year, he achieved a 4.0 GPA. He defied expectations, graduating in his fourth year—a testament to resilience and imagination.**

**In his third year in seminary class (held outside the high school property), he once challenged the teacher: "Since you talk about happiness in heaven, will we be happy after we die?" **

**The puzzled teacher replied affirmatively. **

**Undeterred, he continued, "Okay, what if I want to eat mac and cheese again? Will I ever be able to enjoy it? What if I feel sad?" **

**The teacher, slightly offended, tried to explain, but the whole class became distracted, chattering and bombarding the teacher with questions.**

**He simply smiled, knowing the class was over, and left without a word. "I don't want to be late for my regular school class," he'd say. His assertiveness extended to family decisions as well; he insisted on having a say in his own punishments during family meetings.**

** For instance, there was another day after his graduation few years later, when he returned home to visit his family briefly after his graduation a few years, coming from Portland . He can see that his mother felt uncomfortable around him because he was a different person, someone who did things that went against her religious beliefs. **

**This discomfort stemmed from her own upbringing as a young girl raised by an alcoholic mother. Interestingly, she had even convinced her mother to become Mormon before her mother's passing. **

**In their living room, they sat watching TV and then his mother waved her hands to get his attention. **

**He turned his head around to look at her, and signed, "What?" **

**She inquired, "When do you think you'll quit smoking cigarettes?" **

**He glanced at her and replied, "Why do you ask?" **

**She explained, "Well, your grandma Gay quit smoking cigarettes after she was conceived and returned to the church." **

**He smiled and signed, "Oh, really?" **

**His mother confirmed this with a firm sign.**

**He chuckled and then posed another question: "Mom, what if—I mean, what if I asked you to stop eating sugar and cookies for the rest of your life? If you can do that, then maybe I'll consider quitting smoking. Otherwise, don't ask me again." He stopped signing and then back to watch his tv.**

**Naturally, his mother wasn't pleased, but she chose silence over engaging in an argument. She knew he had a sharp tongue and could outwit anyone in a debate. This ability extended beyond family matters; even at school and church, he had a knack for asking thought-provoking questions.**

**I’ve been called a daydreamer because I’m a Dreamer.**

**Because of them, that dream has already come true.**

**My mind is full of my dreams.**

**My heart overflows with my fantasies.**

**One time, my aunt got upset at me and shouted, “Alex, stop chasing your dream!”**

**Embracing the label of a dream-chaser, I find inspiration and motivation in my dreams.**

**I turn them into reality despite doubters**_._

_ _