I’m being watched.

I feel his eyes boring into me, watching my every move. He even changes position to keep me in view as I stand in front of the mirror trying item after item, but after that one adjustment he’s very, very still. Watching. He knows by now that I’m going out, and I’ve said nothing about him joining me. He doesn’t like that. Not at all.

——

It’s starting again. She’s going out without me and leaving me alone. She knows I hate that! She used to do that all the time but I thought I’d made it clear that was unacceptable, and so she stopped. We go out together or not at all, that’s the rule. What is she doing?

——

I’m anxious now and rushed - I’d planned to wear my favorite black jeans with a red top and black chunky heels, only to find the jeans don’t fit anymore, most of my favorites don’t fit. When did that happen? I’m running late, but I’m trying to act casual and cheerful, as if nothing out of the ordinary is happening, hoping he’ll stay calm and quiet. So far, I’m getting my wish.

——

I’m being very still, and very quiet. But maybe I should just beg to go with her? No, I don’t want to go out now anyway, it’s too early. If she knows I’m upset maybe she’ll change her mind and we can both go out when it gets dark. I stay quiet and glare at her. By now she should have come over to ask what’s wrong, but instead she’s pretending everything’s fine.

——

His calm and his quiet are making me wary. I was sure he’d beg to come with me, but this is my night. It’s been two years (two years!) since I hung out with my friends at a bar, played some pool, had a few drinks. He can’t object - it’s just been him and me this whole time and yes, I’ve been grateful for his company even while taking care of his every need. I finally settle on a baggy shirt and dark sweats and the dressy black sneakers.

“You’ll be fine for a while on your own, love” I say as I head out the door, avoiding eye contact. “You’ve had your dinner…I won’t be gone long. Be back before you know it.” I rush out before he can respond.

——

She’s gone. At the last minute I change tactics and try to go to her, but she rushes out and shuts the door in my face. I stand there, stunned. How dare she! And I’m supposed to just stay here and wait for her, staring at the walls, doing nothing? Then I remember how I taught her before. I head to the bedroom.

——

It’s so great to see everyone. Of course we’ve FaceTimed and Zoomed and called each other, at least at first, but it’s not the same as actually being together. Greetings are awkward - is it ok to hug? Did we used to hug? Probably not, you don’t hug after not seeing each other for two weeks, but two years? That definitely deserves a hug, but protocols have changed. Some of us hug, some don’t, we get to the drinks as soon as possible. Lisa and Dave are still together, despite complaints of being trapped in a closet of an apartment. Sarah’s gone - moved out of town and probably won’t be back. They ask about Jack, and I tell them how needy he is, how he won’t let me out of his sight. I realize I actually feel strange being without him, though.

——

I start on the pile she left on the floor after changing over and over. I feel a qualm before I destroy the jeans, but by the time I’m done with them I’m actually having fun. I move on to the red blouse. I’ll save the shoes for last. Where is she? She’s been gone for so long I’m not angry any more, I’m just worried. Am I going to have to be alone all night? Just as this thought occurs to me I hear her key in the lock. I feel a flood of joy and relief as I run to greet her.

——

We had a good time, but it really seems as if we were all ready to leave as soon as we got there. The conversation only took off when we started talking about what shows we’ve been binging, and making recommendations on what to watch and what to skip. As I get home I steel myself for what I’ll find, sure Jack’s been up to his old tricks. But as I open the door I’m only glad to be home again. He rushes into my arms and I hug him tight.

——

I rush into her arms and try to kiss her face all over I know she hates that and I’m not doing it to be rude I just can’t help it I’m just so glad she’s home she’s home she’s home! In a few minutes she’ll see what I did in the bedroom and she’ll get pretty mad, but for now she just seems glad to see me.

——

I go to the bedroom for a damage check, and sure enough he’s made his displeasure clear. I’m not mad though. These rags didn’t fit me and they’re out of style. I change into my other sneakers, grab the leash and turn to Jack. “You ready for a walk, love?”

——

I want to answer her grudgingly, but I feel my whole backside wriggle with glee. Yeah, I’m ready.