“So we meet again Captain Mercury. You were a—“ Magnus Kraken said.

“Yeah I was a fool to be lured into your lair. Yadda yada. Hurry up with your evil villain wrap-up.”

Clad in slick black latex with electric blue racing stripes, the superhero looked fast even bound tight to a large metal table. Dangling menacingly, a high powered laser was aimed directly at his groin. Villains were always trying to cut off someone’s junk. Captain Mercury launched into turbospeeed to break his bonds.

“Not so fast soldier boy. Those ropes are made from hildaroo fibers they get tighter from heat and —“

“Yadda yada and friction makes heat. Hurry up Captain Obvious,” Captain Mercury said vibrating faster and faster.

Magnus Kraken put down his hairless white sphinx cat Minimus and flicked the switch on the laser. With a crackle of ozone the wicked machine roared to life. The superhero ramped up his superhero speed as the silky rope bite into his well muscled flesh. The villain flipped off the laser.

“You know you’re kind of a jerk. You never listen to anyone anymore. You know you drove Lady Chaos to tears after that bank heist with your piss poor attitude. She left Acropolis City and is selling timeshares in Boca Raton. I worked hard to trap you with that supersonic field. Those things are tricky! You really can hurt a guy’s feelings.” Magnus dabbed at his eyes with a platinum hankie. Minimus hissed at Captain Mercury.

“Wait what. Are you serious? It’s my fault you’re boring and impossibly slow. I’m supposed to fight crime and listen to your long drawn-out ‘so we meet again speeches.’ Forget that and forget wait where do you go?”

With a mighty yell and burst of speed, Captain Mercury melted the metal lab table and fell to freedom. He dashed around the room looking for his old archenemy. Nothing. Magnus had left with his cat. Bang, Black Diamond crashed the SpeedMobile into Magnus’ secret lair rear wall.

“Well you took your sweet time!” Captain Mercury shouted and pushed his sidekick out of the driver’s side.

“You’re welcome. I had to defuse that bomb at the hospital across town and—“ Black Diamond said climbing out of the passenger side. She shook gravel from her satin cape.

“Stow it. Let’s bounce. You wouldn’t believe the shit that was coming out Magnus. Where are you going?”

Black Diamond checked her face in the side mirror and then fished in her utility belt for her lipstick. “No can do. I heading up to the roof to rendezvous with TimeShifter and RhinoGirl. We’re heading over the the Righteous League for smores and axe-throwing,” she said.

“What about the patrols? Wait there’s a party? I never heard--”

“Well like you said I just slow you dow. Don’t waste your precious time talking to me.” With a roar Black Diamond’s rocket boots flamed to life and she crashed through the ceiling. Her laugh lingered as Captain Mercury K turned out of the lair and into quicksand of Acropolis at night.