“My thoughts are haunted by the events of the day I lost everything”. “And you would like to have respite from these hurtful memories?”. “Yes, I can’t go another day living with the agonizing memories”. “You won’t remember anything, you will be losing your happy memories along with the bad.” “It hurts, I can’t bare it anymore, I have to be free from my nightmares”. “If you are absolutely sure, all I need is for you to fill out the forms and I’ll administer the injection”. The finality of the situation hung about my soul like a heavy fog. I would be releasing all the smiles, the hugs, the laughter. I would be forever removing the happiest part of my life from my memories, but the images of that day are tearing me apart from the inside out. “Give me the forms, I have to do this, I can’t go on living this way”. “Okay, fill out these forms and we will proceed”. “You will feel a burning sensation, and your arm will be sore for a few days”. A burning sensation and a sore arm would be bliss compared to what I had been through the past year. It was as though I could feel the memories slip away one by one as the doctor administered the shot. “You may experience some side effects such as headache, fever, chills, and possibly insomnia but the side effects will be gone in a few days. I’m going to write you a prescription for a sleep aid in case you do have difficulty sleeping. If you have any questions or concerns just call my office and I’ll answer any questions you have”. “Thank You doctor, thank you so much for... I can’t seem to remember why I needed a shot. What did I come in for doctor?”. “Allergies, you had an allergic reaction to something you ate and you came in for an allergy shot”. “Oh, okay well thank you and have a great day”. “It’s three a.m. and I haven’t slept in...I can’t remember the last time I got some rest. The days are starting to meld together into one long day/night cycle. I think I might have fallen asleep for a few hours but I can’t tell the difference between reality and sleep. I feel stuck in a haze, it feels like my mind is trying to remember something I’ve lost or misplaced”. “I’ve tried the sleep aids but I can’t tell if they are working, I think I’m awake now but I’m not sure, I think I slept a few hours last night but I don’t know, I called the doctor and she said insomnia is a normal side effect of the allergy shot. But this is more than insomnia, I’m awake but I’m asleep, I’m having dreams of a woman and a child, the woman looks to be in her late twenties, about my age and the child is a little girl, eight or so. They visit me, they smile and laugh, they seem so happy, I have started to long for the moments when they come to visit me. Why am I talking out loud?! Why am I asking my self questions?! I think I’m losing my mind?! STOP!”. “I’m starting this journal, mostly so I can regain some semblance of sanity and make talking to myself not seen so crazy. They visited again last night, the woman, and what I assume to be her child. They stand at a distance from me, they look so happy, I’ve tried to go to them but I can’t reach them, no matter how much I try, no matter how long I walk they stay the same distance away. I have to find a way to reach them.” “Something incredible happened today! The little girl woke me, well she woke me in my dream, by touching my hand. I thought I heard her say daddy wake up, but I can’t be sure, as soon as I woke she was far away from me again with her mother. I tried again to reach them but I couldn’t. I think I have to let them come to me, next time they visit I’m going to try and stay still and see if they come closer.” “Okay, I think it’s working. They visited again, I sat in one spot and just watched them. They started to come close to me but they suddenly stopped. I don’t know what stopped them, they seemed scared, I don’t know what scared them, was it me? The lady grabbed the little girls hand and they retreated back to the spot where they always stand. This is maddening, who are they? Why are they in my thoughts? Do I know them? I can’t make sense of this dream or thought, I don’t even know what to call what is happening, I don’t know, I don’t know if I’m awake or dreaming. Calm down, breathe, it’s okay “. “We had to sedate your husband ma’am, he inhaled a lot of smoke and he has sustained third degree burns on his arms and legs, he also suffered head trauma”. “Is he going to be okay?, is my husband going to die?!”. “It’s too early to say ma’am, you’re husband is a strong man, he’s a fighter, he pulled you and your daughter from the fire, so I know he’s going to fight to get back to you. You have to stay strong for him, talk to him, let him hear your voice.” “They came back today, I can’t believe it, I can’t believe it! They know my name, the lady called me Rick! This is unbelievable! But how do they know me? Oh! And they asked me to come back to them, but I can’t reach them, every time I try to reach them I can’t, I won’t give up, I will reach them, I have to know how they know me, I have reach them “.