The General stood high over his men, surveying their activities with a critical eye. Matters of war required great diligence and effort. Slacking was not an option.

“Rhodes!” He called, his voice ringing in the circular chamber. “We’re stocking artillery for a war here, and you dare take a snack break! Get back to work this instant!”

“But General Lawrence!” whined the little runt of a cadet. “We already have so much in stock. We have been working for a month, collecting all we can get our hands on! Isn’t it enough?” He realised all too late his grave mistake.

“It’s enough when I say it’s enough!” The General’s spit flew across the room as he raged, much to the disgust of the cadets closest by. “This isn’t a game, it’s war! I’ve fought many wars for our colony, and we’ve successfully taken over Bushytail Corner, Foragers’ Hole and Hazel Boughs due to the efforts of brave armies before you! And now, when our very home is under threat of annexation from foes we’ve never encountered before, you dare question my expertise? Get back to work!”

Spurred by the monologue, all the cadets worked faster, some collecting artillery, others stocking them, some lugging their two very heavy cannons to the battle point, others sharpening staffs.

“On the double, cadets! War doesn’t favour the yellow-bellied! Just be thankful that you aren’t working during the winter like I had to, when all your food supplies are rationed and diverted to the soldiers on the battlefront!”

The cadets worked tirelessly, determined to prove their worth by winning this war.

——————————————————

A fortnight of gruelling work and war drills later, the important day had finally come. The day the cadets - now soldiers - would get to prove their mettle on the battlefield. Rhodes and his fellows stood proud, chests puffed, while their General surveyed them once again, this time with a proud - and also slightly (quite) teary- eye.

“Troops, the day of reckoning has arrived. The day you all get to fight for your people, your home. Today, battles will be fought. Some will be won, some will be lost. Some of your comrades might have to lay down their lives for the greater purpose of freedom. And while this is daunting, all that matters is that your sacrifice will not go in vain.” He paused for dramatic effect, then continued.

“Today, we defend our home. Tomorrow, we continue our fearless conquests. Eventually, we shall reach a point when we shall win battle after battle, war after war, until our army is indestructible. When that time comes, we shall marshal our kinsmen from all over, and we shall take over the world!” The troops applauded and cheered, now ready to face any obstacles that might come their way.

“Are you ready, soldiers?” The General roared, to which he got a loud, enthusiastic and very satisfactory cheer in reply.

“Alpha troop, take your staffs and head to Schuller’s Point! Beta, to Lucas Point with your weapons! And Gamma, to Gunther’s Vantage with your cannons!” Five minutes of scrambling later, all the troops were in their assigned positions.

“Soldiers, are you ready?” The General cried.

“Yes Chief!” A rousing cry resounded.

“On my count, troops. One, two, three… fire!”

——————————————————

Martin and Corey sat on the lounge chairs tastefully arranged around their porch, lazily looking all around, while their parents set up plates for lunch on the table outside.

“I love eating outside,” Corey told his brother.

“Same. Too bad the squirrels are squeaking nonstop though. It’ll be ruined.” Martin sighed at the prospect of a spoiled outdoor luncheon.

“Yeah, they’ve been this noisy since we called the gardener to trim that oak tree they live in,” Mum observed, and quite rightly so.

“They’ve been acting strangely too,” Dad chimed in. “I saw a lot of them scurrying about, gathering nuts and twigs. And they picked up your catapults too, boys.”

“Oh, so that’s where they’ve gone!” Martin exclaimed. “Look there, at the tree, right now! A bunch of those squirrels are holding the twigs, some are just chucking nuts, and some up top are using our catapults to launch their nuts! Those things are mad.”

“Maybe they’ve declared war on us for touching their tree, and are trying to take over the world.”

With a merry laugh at this silly and unlikely joke, all thoughts of squirrel antics and rodent apocalypses were pushed aside, and the family of four lunched, blissfully unaware of war efforts and battlecries.