Sam sits in the corner of his dark room, partaking in a sacred ritual that nobody else may know that he partakes in. He has taken every precaution: the doors in his apartment are locked tight, the blinds are shut, and his Ring doorbell is on so that he is alerted of anyone that walks up to the door well in advance. He smiles to himself “Yes, nobody knows that I watch it now.”. He reads the subtitles fervidly, digesting every minute detail and laughing along with the characters.

All of a sudden the door swings open and the lights get turned on. Sam clutches his chest and gasps, swinging around to see who came into the door. “No!” he thought to himself “It can’t be!” But it was: his roommate and best friend Theo. Theo gasps at the same time and looks over at the laptop screen that is sitting in front of Sam. 

“Oh my god, Sam! Is that-?”

“This can’t be happening. It can’t be.”

“It is! You’re watching _One Piece_, aren’t you?”

A single tear rolls down Sam’s cheek. It was true, he was watching _One Piece. _Theo begins to laugh so hard that he’s doubled over. “I cannot believe this” Sam thinks to himself. “I followed every precaution per the subreddit! How could he have found me out?” Sam notices an idea start to form, a plot that he could use. “I know what to do. I’ll knock Theo out and jump out of this window. I’ll delete every form of social media, effectively becoming a hermit. I will then use the bonus money that I have hidden away in my mattress (that’s my Comicon money) and book a flight to Japan. I already know most of the language from this show. I can use that knowledge to hitchhike into rural Japan and live amongst the elders. Yes… This is what I must do…”

Theo raises an eyebrow. “Sam?”

“What?”

“You just said all of that out loud.”

There is a long pause. Sam runs at Theo full speed and tackles him. “NO ONE CAN KNOW!”