September 19, 2004

New York. I’m finally here. Four years of high school, four years of convincing my parents I’m not insane for wanting to peruse acting. “It’s not realistic, David.” “You need to have a real job David, it won’t pay.” They haven’t supported my decision, but it’s not theirs to make. I’m an artist, full and through. I have an audition tomorrow morning. An indie film, about a teenager named Hades growing up in a lower class family. He has undiagnosed bipolar disorder and can’t understand why he acts the way he does. He tries his hardest to be his best self, but can never figure out why his best self isn’t good enough. I understand him. I see him. I know I can do him justice, I can do it.

September 20, 2004

This morning has been so eventful, I just can’t explain it! I woke up to my alarm as usual extremely well rested. The best part is, I was excited! I wasn’t dragging or dreading, but genuinely excited. After cooking a meal on my portable stovetop I got last month, when I moved in, I got ready for my audition. I put on my outfit I had picked days before, not wanting to stress about anything on the important morning. I left my apartment and began my walk to the audition building. Only 3 miles. Last week, I walked 5 miles to try for a commercial lead. I wasn’t feeling it like I’m feeling this. I’m feeling this. I see the building. Twisting the polished handle on the tall wooden door, I stepped into the stone premises of unending opportunity.

September 20, 2004

I ace it. I remember all my lines, I give my heart to the judges. They tell me, I did well. I did well! I know I’ve landed it. The first thing I do once I run home is call my parents. They’ve always doubted my career choice, never know my talent. This’ll make ‘em love me. I know it.

September 25, 2004

I’ve been busy. I’m Hades. I know I am. I spend the last bills in my savings on a new wardrobe, black hair dye, and a new haircut. I need to get in character. Once they call me and finalize my role, tell me I’m the best actor they’ve seen, tell me I’m the best, they’ll be delighted to see how prepared I am. Shooting starts on November 2nd, but maybe they’ll move it up, I don’t need anytime to prepare anymore, I’m ready!

September 30, 2004

Maybe I put my number down wrong, maybe my apartments phone isn’t working. This dirty apartment, this poor apartment. It’s probably nothing, maybe they’re just letting people down first, give them time to heal before they announce the winner.

October 10, 2004

This crummy apartment. These useless landlords. I call, I say my phone isn’t working, they say it it, I say I Know it isn’t. They don’t get it. They’re trying to call me. Tell me my news. I need to go there. Tell them they don’t have to worry anymore, I know I got the role.

October 11, 2004

I run back to the building I stepped into 21 days earlier. Twist the same polished door knob, stride into the first door to the left on the hallway to the right. “I’m here!” There’s nobody there. I see a poster on the wall, “Shooting November 2nd.” They knew I’d come. This is for me.

Present (November 2, 2004)

David throws on his most expensive outfit, a light purple tux that fits slightly baggy on his legs, but he doesn’t notice. He sprints 6 miles to 277 Oscar Road in Midtown and rips the knees of his pants when he trips on a empty pizza box, but he doesn’t notice. He arrives. There’s security. He has no nerves. “I’m the lead actor for the movie, you can let me in.” The tall security guard laughs at the skinny boy in a ripped purple suit. “Leave or I’m calling the cops, kid.” “I’m telling you sir, I’m the lead, Hades, I’m Hades.” This is the last time I’m gonna tell you, kid.” David feels the need to prove to this guard that he’s who he says he is. He runs around the guard and leaps in front of the camera. “I’m here! You all, I’m finally here!” Security runs at him, he grabs a camera, and hits him in the head. Hard.