The crash of the waves made my heart stop. It was the sound of my death. Mother had always laughed when I told her that. If only she knew I was telling the truth. I stared into the water, all the shades of blue. It looked like a perfectly happy place. But I knew it better than anyone.

I raised my arms above my head, just like I had learned all those years ago when the water was my only friend. My only hope. My other life. Now as I raise my hands, my heart beating out of my chest.

“This is for you, Lynnie.” I shut my eyes, it would be easier that way. Everything’s easier that way. I suck in a deep breath of the salty air.

It taste just as bitter as the day I learned the water wasn’t my friend. Only my enemy.

“You did all the wrong things but for the right reasons. Well Lynnie now it’s my turn. I’m jumping into the water. Just like I said I would. I remember telling myself that if I was going to die it would be the water to feel my last breath, and to see my last moves. To hold my screams and muffle them into nothing.”

I edged closer to the water, the cool breeze telling me to move forward.

I did, letting my heart beat increase.

I jumped, letting the wind slash at my cheeks.

I kept my eyes shut hearing Lynnie’s voice in my head.

“Amy. Don’t do this. It was my mistake. Learn from it. I died here, I made you hate what you’ve always loved. And I’m sorry.”

I shook her voice away, “Lynnie you did make me hate the water. But you made me realize that I was never really in love with it. My fear for it was what was always true. Not my love”.

Before Lynnie could answer I was drowning at the bottom of the ocean. And there she was. Lynnie. Her blonde hair floating up with the water. Her blue eyes, white with fear. I felt her grab me, I felt her pull me up. Then I felt the pain in my chest. The urge to want air, I’ve never wanted something so bad. I kicked my legs, trying to fight, Lynnie was still next to me, her grip so tight I knew she had to be real.

I felt my body shaking as I ran out of air, I stopped moving. I stopped fighting. It was my time, like I said I’m doing all the wrong things but for the right reasons. Whatever that means.