“If I ever go bad, will you kill me?”

“What?” Taylor flipped around to look at me, her worry filled eyes asking so many questions.

“It’s just that… I can feel the anger and darkness inside of me. And I can feel that it’s growing, getting stronger.”

Her tension eases and she give me an empathetic look. “Everyone gets frustrated from time to time.”

I frown at her and sit up from my laying position to see her better. “It’s not just frustration. It’s a numbing hatred that sweeps through me. I lose my ability to empathize and feel bad about things. And I get a STRONG urge to hurt the people.”

“Wait… what? I thought you got control of your anger years ago when you moved to work with us?” Taylor’s worry seems to be returning and I don’t blame her.

“I did. I haven’t been seriously mad since then. But it’s coming back with a vengeance. I’ve become worse than I believed I could be.” I admit, looking at the ground.

I glanced up at her in time to watch her take a scared step back. “No, we were told that if you could fight the darkness inside you and win, then we could fight the darkness in the world and win.”

“I’m sorry.” A tear slipped down my face. “I really thought that I could control it. But it’s so strong, and I get so frustrated.”

Her lip started quivering. “You can’t… you can’t go bad. We need you to win this war. You are our hope.”

I shake my head in shame and regret. “I can’t be anymore. I’ve managed to not act on my anger but I don’t know how long I can keep it up .”

“No.” She tells me with a glare.

“No?” I question, raising an eyebrow.

“No! If you can still fight against it, then there’s still a chance. You’re the strongest of us all.” She declares, determination filling her features.

“You don’t understand! I genuinely considered kicking one of the kids at the shelter in the mouth because they were crying for no reason and they woke up another baby. I actually considered it! That’s awful!” I’m getting desperate. I just want her to understand that I’m not stable anymore.

“We’ll keep you away from kids and anything else that bothers you until you can control it!” She tells me with a confidence that I can’t share.

“It’s too late. Everything has started bugging me. If anyone is irrational in the slightest bit I get ticked. Even having to explain this all to you is starting to irritate me.”

“Just calm down. We’ll get through this, just like we always do.” Taylor gives me a smile that I know she means to be kind, but it just irritates me further.

“This is not a we problem! This is a me problem! Me destroying everything the rebellion has worked towards! This is too big of a problem to ignore!” I yell at her, standing up.

She puts her hands up. “Try to calm down. I know that you have the strength.”

My eyes flash and I imagine myself punching her in the face hard enough to break her nose. Before I can do that, I walk away.

“Wait! Where are you going?” She asks as I open the door of our bunk.

I send her a glare that could boil water, imagining roundhouse kicking her in the face and storming off. I skip the kick and continue walking.

I will not hurt my friends. Just like I would not hurt those kids. I refuse to be a slave to my anger. I promised myself to never be a slave to anyone or anything again.