I was pulled out of my slumber by Kelly's fingers tapping on my shoulder.

“There it is again, that weird noise. Joey do you hear it?" Whispered Kelly.

I heard it, it didn't bother me this time and it didn't bother me the other times I'd heard it. There was a strange sound that sounded like a vacuum cleaner coming from our next-door neighbor. I'd heard it during the day and I'd heard it during the night. But the bewildering thing was that it ran for hours at a time.

"Sweetie she's probably vacuuming something up," I said under my breath.

"At 3:30 in the morning? Once is weird enough, but last night and the night before? That's super weird." Kelly insisted.

I responded with a stifled grunt before wrapping my pillow around my head.

"You don't think it's weird?" Continued Kelly.

"I think it's weird, but I also don't care. Baby, we both have work tomorrow morning."

She didn't respond with words like a normal person, instead, she punched my shoulder.

"Okay. What? Do you want me to go bother her at three in the morning? Then who looks like the assholes?"

"Who vacuums at 3 am every day?" Kelly argued.

I sat up and shrugged my shoulders. "I don't think she's vacuuming."

Kelly rolled her eyes. "Oh what? It's a better theory than yours which is that she's vacuuming the back of her head so she looks younger for her dogs."

I concealed my urge to laugh. I'd seen that on an episode of 'The Simpsons' and that was my first theory (it was still my theory god damnit), but I could tell, even in the darkness of our bedroom that Kelly wasn't in a joking mood.

"I know it's dark Joe, but I can see you trying not to laugh." She said flatly, arms crossed across her chest.

"Okay fine. Do you want me to go see what she's doing?"

She uncrossed her arms and slumped her shoulders. "Can you? And can you ask her to not vacuum her apartment until the suns up?"

"Fine, if it'll make you happy."

I pulled the sheet off myself and rolled my legs out of bed, I snatched my phone off the nightstand and navigated through the darkness of my bedroom.

"If I'm not back in five minutes she probably killed me. If I'm not back in ten minutes she's probably vacuuming up my remains."

No response, no laugh. Tough crowd.

I put my sandals on, pulled open the front door, and exited my apartment. It did sound like a vacuum cleaner. And yes it was strange to be vacuuming anything at this hour of the day. Maybe she was a clumsy old woman, who was a clean freak? One who liked late-night snacks but kept dropping crumbs everywhere? That sounded plausible, right?

I stopped in front of my neighbor's apartment and narrowed my eyes as I positioned myself to look into her apartment, at the right angle I could see just about everything. A small lamp on an end table provided the only source of light. I could see my neighbor, at the far end of her dinner table, sitting on one of the chairs, eyes closed. Her three small dogs sitting obediently at her feet with their attention glued to her. The vacuum cleaner sat off to her right and it was clearly in the on position.

My mouth fell open, I was at a loss for words. I'd never seen anything like it, and I was sure that I'd never witness something like this again. I wished Kelly was by my side to witness what my eyes had fallen upon.

I pulled out my phone, opened the camera, and hit record.

***

Five Minutes feels like an eternity when your boyfriend leaves the apartment, leaving you with the idea that your neighbor might kill him.

I felt like such an idiot, hiding under the blanket, my phone just inches from my face as I counted down the time.

Your neighbor isn't going to kill Joe, you idiot, grow up. And get out from under the blanket! What are you five??

I pushed the blanket off me and sat up, and just as I did the front door opened.

"Joey?" I hissed.

"Yeah," He responded.

He sounded out of breath. And he proved that he was, as he flipped on all the apartment lights and bombarded into the bedroom. He practically tripped over his own feet as he fell into bed. I didn't even have a chance to gather my thoughts, let alone respond.

"Oh my god, Joe, what the hell's wrong with you?" I asked. I'd never seen him this excited, not even during sex.

"Kelly, Oh my god. You have to see this." He said as he unlocked his phone. He turned the phone in my direction and hit Play.

I couldn't speak, I couldn't think, I was in a daze. I could feel my lips mouth the words: Oh my god, but the words ceased to come out. I subconsciously raised my right hand to cover my mouth.

After the four-minute duration of the video, I managed to say: "Is this for real?"

Joe frantically nodded his head as he paced back and forth across the room. "I only stopped recording because one of the dogs turned to look at me, I didn't want her to see me and stop so I bolted back."

I don't know how many times we rewatched that video, I just know that we watched it until the sun came up.