It's New Year's Day 2010. Harriet has a hangover, regrets meltdown behaviour night before, thinks back to the start of her love affair with Josh. Flashback 5 years. Josh and Harriet meet and enjoy one another's company, both introverted, shy and troubled with childhood wounds and difficult relationships with their fathers, they feel an instant affinity . Start drinking together recreationally. Harriet gets into trouble because her turbulent emotions and binge drinking keep sabotaging the relationship. Josh goes travelling and Harriet goes to University. They drift apart yet stay in almost constant contact. Harriet gets a boyfriend who is immature and stupid. Josh tries to convince her to break up with him and get back together with himwhen he discovers new boyfriend injured her. Harriet is too frightened to break up with him but hopes Josh will wait for her. By the time she finishes with him, Josh has met someone else, provoking a deep abandonment wound culminating in the New Year's Eve meltdown.

Harriet notices Josh's health decline due to his secret alcohol dependency but he keeps pushing her away and she feels powerless to help. In the end she gives up and lets him go.

Flashforward 10 years and Josh and Harriet both meet by chance in their home town. Both are now pretty much teetotal and married with their own families. Story ends with them both agreeing that they were both too young when they met and rushed things, so that their friendship burned out before it had begun. Both have to rush away as they have other commitments and there is a shared sense they both know any further communication between them hurt their spouses and the stability they have each built. There is a sense of closure that they both acknowledge that they will always care for each other and there is no ill will.

Teaser extract:

'The thing is Josh....I love my husband dearly and I know you love your wife. Tim has been so good to me and is so good for me. It doesn't stop me feeling this weird. Huh. How can I put this?'

'If it's a gut wrenching feeling, it might be some kind of inflammatory bowel condition Haz'

'Oh my God. You're not helping me get my words out.'

' Go on. Sorry. Say what you wanted to say.'

' I've really really fucking missed you. And it hurts my brain to know I can never reconcile those two facts. Like. Here's Tim here. '

I grab the salt shaker.

'He's a nice guy. He's a good man. He has been loyal and kind and we have some laughs.'

And then here's me...this, this fork.

Right?'

'I'm only barely grasping your point. But go on'

'In the back of my mind, you're always there and there's things I wanted to say.'

'Nobody made you block me Haz. You did that all by yourself!'

' I know. And I'm sorry but I have explained.'

'There's no hard feelings Harriet. Life moves on. I've got my wife and kids and you've got your life too.'

' Yes but. I feel so guilty because I feel this thing with you I can't ever unfeel and I never will. And as much as I am loyal to my husband. If he ever knew, he would be so hurt.'

' Yeah. I know Haz.'

'So that's why we can't see each other again. It's not fair on them Josh. They've done nothing wrong. But I just want you to know, I'm loyal to you deep down in here. Always will be.'

'Thanks Harriet but the crockery was not needed to tell me that.'

'I'll always feel it Josh'

Trailing off. 'Yeah, I'll always feel like that too Harriet. You know that.'

'I just want you to know, even though we won't talk much...if you ever need a character reference...or someone to stand in the dock for you...'

'What on earth do you think I'm into?'

'Oh ok... say your house blows up..., please please give me a call. I'll always be there if you need me.'

'Good to know. Please don't blow my house up as an excuse to see me though.'

The dizzy laughter makes me elated, weary, wistful, a bit sad. But most of all, I feel I've got closure now. I can go home and pee on a stick. Back at the car, I message Tim:

'Hello my love, hope you've had a nice day. Im heading home. Want anything from

Sainsbos? Xxxxx'

Life goes on. All the best Josh.