Now there are Swiss Army knives with their flicks and clicks that bring short blades, tiny clippers, and curly corkscrews to life; there are also Assassin’s Slayer knives that also flick and click with sharp edges of daggers, spikes, garrote wire, and detachable darts. Then in the handle the last deadly method of herbal poison or animal venom held in an unbreakable flask. Like its Swiss cousin, the Assassin’s slayer operates on a pivot point mechanism, a very clever spring that needs to be mastered.

Sicarius Tolpatsch, the second son of the second son of the second son’s son who founded The Desert Vipers’ Assassination Guild, was really trying his best. He knew killing and murder had a long tradition in their family line and in those two centuries not one of them had ever been caught or arrested after killing Sultans, Grand Viziers, Sheikhs and Rajas, or merchant debtors or spying whores.

There was gold, silver and gems to be made in the slitting of throats or poisoning of wine and lips. It was just a simple matter of a flick and a click of that spring holding just the right weapon needed. A simple matter that took great dexterity and sly cunning. Unfortunately, those were the two things that Sicarius Topatsch had been born without.

Instead he had been given a kind heart, creative mind, and sweet, deep voice.

What was the second son of the second son of the second son’s son who founded The Desert Viper’s Assassination Guild to do?

The ‘to do’ was clear, his father the Archassassin of the Guild sent him on his first (and hopefully only and last mission - he was an embarrassment to the family)to kill the Sultan’s daughter who had insulted a far away ruler for not accepting his offer of matrimony. Sicarius’ father was not worried at all, he had six wives in all, which meant he had the same amount of second sons to carry on the family business and tradition.

This son was really not needed, and would never bring in the hoped for profit.

So, that young lad with trembling hands and knocking knees was sent out into the night’s goosepimpling desert breeze, over three dunes and through one oasis, he came to the palace of the mighty Sultan. He scrambled up the stone and adobe walls, making more noise than a cat in heat. He was lucky, no one paid attention as there was a grand feast in progress in the royal gardens.

From behind vine wrapped coconut palms and lush date trees, he saw the Sultan dressed in blue and green silk. Emeralds and sapphires caught the torches light, and from his crown there were two feathers - one from a giant peacock, the other a grand roq. Next to him sat his daughter, a blooming rose in pink chiffon.

A natural beauty. A treat for the eyes.

Sicarius’ kind heart could never kill, not even the annoying sand flies. But he had his familial duty and slinked and slipped between the fountains and marble pillars, all the while trying to expertly open that Assassin’s Slayer knife. But nothing worked the way he wanted, the daggers and garrote wire sprang from their springs and lacerated the tips of his fingers. In a moan and a stumble, he found himself before the Sultan and his daughter.

Sicarius was no killer, but he was a natural charmer.

The Sultan rose from is throne with wide eyes, stroked his musk-oiled beard three times and said in a voice as loud as a desert dustdevil, “The fool has arrived!”

Sicarius thought fast, he took a bow, and made a mockery of the assassin’s calling. Those around laughed and laughed, some even until their large bellies began to jiggle in waves of silk. Tears came to their eyes when the glass vial of poison fell from his weapon and splashed on the marble into the air, there was a gasp of surprise from the audience. He calmed their fears as he danced a jig to avoid touching it as it burned a hole right through the hard stone.

The Sultan in a guttural guffaw let out, “That was the worst assassination attempt I’ve seen!”

The cheer did not stop, “Encore! Encore!” rang from every clove perfumed mouth.

Sicarius’ eyes were then captured by the Princess’s face and he suddenly began to sing… to sing a song sweeter than honey covered figs and dates.

And not just she, but all those around fell in love with Sicarius Tolpatsch - the Fool’s Assassin.

He was no killer and became part of the Sultan’s court. Then in a short while he was his son-in-law.

A perfect addition to the family, the second son of the second son of the second’s son son who founded The Desert Vipers’ Assassination Guild. He knew them all by name and face, brothers and cousins, and could keep that walled palace safe from them all.

He never had to spill blood or poison any veins, all he had to do was sing and dance to make those around him laugh… and love him even more!