I remember the smell of the cookies as they baked in the oven, not knowing where this would all land me years down the road.

Who would’ve thought this is where it would be.

Messy, at times, but a safety net.

Chaotic, and yet strikingly beautiful at first glance.

I only ever saw the beauty in the chaos. I only ever wished for solace for you in all of your madness.

The definition of insanity as described once: “repeating the same action over and over again, and expecting the same result.”

You, were my definition of insanity, but only in the greatest ways.

I always struggle never knowing whether I am too much, or not enough. Not when my presence met yours. I never have to wonder if I am too much, or if I’m not doing enough.

No second guessing.

even in beautiful chaos, even in moments of insanity, even in the moments where solace gripped your hand and tried to carry you, I could still see the rumples in your hard exterior. I still saw those moments of humanity, when you screamed into the void, and wanted anyone to hear you. I hear your screams.

I wanted you to see my ears, that they were willing to endure the screams. I wanted you to feel the warmth as I tightly wrapped your pain in any bit of joy I could find for you, like someone handed me a map with all the wrong directions.

You, were my definition of insanity, but only in the greatest ways.

In a way, this was the happy ending for both of us.