I wish I didn’t have to go. I wish I didn’t have to move away and start over. I wish that when we met I would have went with my gut feeling. I wish I would have tried harder to stop him. I wish I was the reason that they were safe, and okay. I wish that my mind wasn’t filled with painful memories that I would give to just about anyone else. I wish I was on a beach somewhere, playing in the sand with the four I loved most.

But wishing is not enough. It’s never enough.

And it will never be enough. Because they’re gone. And I could have done something. But I didn’t. So all I can do is wish and wish and wish regardless of the fact that what is done is done. Cory, Alexa, Taylor, and Cade. If they were still here, I would be the disappointment that didn’t do enough to protect them. To save them, from what I caused. If only I had listened to Jackson when he said he would be back. Then my four best friends that created my entire life, would still be here. So I’m moving away. To a new place, for a new start. To start over and meet new people. See new places and hopefully create new beginnings.

A new place to set up, and finish my search. Find where he went. Figure out what he’s doing. How to stop him. And get them back.