I Told Myself

By: Christy Howe © 2022

I told myself it was noble

for how hard I kept holding on,

and that not letting you go

proved I was strong.

But it wasn’t noble at all

when holding on hurt me most,

and it didn’t prove a thing

until I had the strength to let you go.

I told myself it was love

despite the constant pain,

that if I just tried harder

we could be us again.

But it wasn’t love at all

when pain was all I knew,

and no matter how I tried,

I couldn’t be happy with you.

I told myself it would be better

if I could give it one more try,

that things would change soon

if I just stayed by your side.

But it never did get better,

it stayed how it had always been,

and I stopped waiting for something

that I knew would never happen.

No stone was left unturned,

no promise was left intact

when I finally told myself

the time had come to not look back.