Have you been having trouble hitting the hay?

Never getting that much needed shut eye?

Do your friends and family have to suffer through your bad moods the next day?

Well stop what your doing, and come on down to stores near you, to get yourself a bottle of the Elixir of Almost Certainly Dead!

Now don’t be fooled with the jarring name my friends! For this amazing product will not kill you! Hence the ALMOST in the title.

No, this revolutionary product may be a mild poison that knocks you out for the night, and leaves you feeling refreshed in the morning after use!

With only some minor side effects, the Elixir of Almost Certainly Dead is otherwise harmless and has been deemed safe for nightly use!

(elixir of the almost certainly dead is not responsible for any injuries/deaths that may occur)