One year older mature Still not sure Have a lot of room to grow So no Still learning to love again Still trying to trust But loyalty is a must and can only be gained by trust Love without meaning means nothing Yet holding on to rage is a damaging game I'm scared of commitment because of the past Because I fear I'll never be good enough And yet I'm scared because I wanted you Yet everyone wants me to grow up I thought growing up meant forgetting you too I'm unorthodox Undisciplined Oblivious I thought doing the military would fix that but now I'm not so sure It's still a goal I want to do yet I'm scared of the person I'll become by being filled with rage Iv been carrying baggage for way too long And daydreaming for even longer I missed out on a lot of things by overthinking about the military, Becky, and getting a summer job I missed out on the memories of my sister getting married, my nephew’s second birthday, my sister's bridal shower, and even my birthday I missed out on being sixteen because I was worrying over something that would happen on its own I won't waste another year doing that yes I'll be eighteen this time next year yes I'm technically eligible to join the military right now with a parent's consent But I'm putting life off thinking about that I'm going to enjoy being seventeen and not worrying about the military or even Becky I hope to rebuild what was lost because the truth is I loved Beckah more than I loved myself and it's time to fix that relationship I am changing but in a good way one year older Yet lots to learn and I'm willing to learn everything So that when I do get a job whatever it is I'll be able to do anything with the best of my ability Because I'm changing into a better person for all of you