One year older mature

Still not sure

Have a lot of room to grow

So no

Still learning to love again

Still trying to trust

But loyalty is a must and can only be gained by trust

Love without meaning means nothing

Yet holding on to rage is a damaging game

I'm scared of commitment because of the past

Because I fear I'll never be good enough

And yet I'm scared because I wanted you

Yet everyone wants me to grow up

I thought growing up meant forgetting you too

I'm unorthodox

Undisciplined

Oblivious

I thought doing the military would fix that but now I'm not so sure

It's still a goal I want to do yet I'm scared of the person I'll become by being filled with rage

Iv been carrying baggage for way too long

And daydreaming for even longer

I missed out on a lot of things by overthinking about the military, Becky, and getting a summer job

I missed out on the memories of my sister getting married, my nephew’s second birthday, my sister's bridal shower, and even my birthday

I missed out on being sixteen because I was worrying over something that would happen on its own

I won't waste another year doing that yes I'll be eighteen this time next year yes I'm technically eligible to join the military right now with a parent's consent

But I'm putting life off thinking about that

I'm going to enjoy being seventeen and not worrying about the military or even Becky

I hope to rebuild what was lost because the truth is I loved Beckah more than I loved myself and it's time to fix that relationship

I am changing but in a good way one year older

Yet lots to learn and I'm willing to learn everything

So that when I do get a job whatever it is

I'll be able to do anything with the best of my ability

Because I'm changing into a better person for all of you