I felt it for the first time, in a long time, when we were standing on the riverbank between here and there.

Our journey was long, but you knew that.

If you didn’t see the contents of my soul before that moment, perhaps you saw the potential in the hope that I could never shake, or you understood that life had been heavy for longer than usual, or maybe you simply believed better than I ever could.

We had been lost for an agonizing length of days (months? years?) on different roads before we had known each other. I suppose it only made sense that we would stumble into one another at some point in this life that is somehow both too short and too long.

I had existed in the terrifying unknown with such severity and depth, I didn’t notice I had begun to lose all sense of other realities. I felt lost and alone for so long, any other state of being ceased to coincide with the truth I now faced every day. Intense flashes of what used to be tended to sear my temples in dreams, only to be lost in waking. I suppose that is why I had clung to hope; I understood what could be. I had lived it long ago.

One day, I realized I was a paper birch tree. It’s easy to see the importance of trees, as they tower proudly and protect those who seek shelter in and under their branches, though I always felt lost among the taller, more impressive beasts of the forest. Still, I was able to anchor myself with strong roots, allow time to pass over me in seasons and colours, and bend my delicate branches without breaking. Yes, I must be a birch tree; dwarfed by the mighty ashes, and maples, oaks, and redwoods, but still here, a quiet and steady, guardian of the forest. So I held fast on the brightest days and in the darkest nights on the long journey. I met others along the way, some living freely, others living more like me, drifting along as the world pulled them as it may. They all came and went just the way they were meant to.

I met you somewhere in between. You were one of the free ones, I could tell from afar. I wonder, did you know then, that you are sunshine? I have always known that to be true. You are warmth to many and radiate from the inside out. I couldn’t tell your journey had been just as long as mine. Maybe you took great pains to hide the unwanted memories that crept into your psyche at pivotal moments, maybe you have always been and will always be sunshine. I don’t know. No one knows except you.

Our paths collided and so we walked together for a time. A long time. Neither of us intended to stay in the other’s life, it just…happened. With the usual ebbs and flows of daily existence, you always seemed to be there, and so did I. Sometimes on purpose. Often by accident.

The adventures that ensued on lighter days were always my favourite. They were full of possibility and always gave me more reason to hope. Over time, we were able to take on challenges together and walk places neither of us had ventured before. When the rocky roads and downhill slopes met the exciting heights and breathtaking views in equal measure, I came to a conclusion. Paper birch trees need sunshine to grow. Sunshine needs something to shine upon. We were better together. We are better together.

One day, on a simple excursion to stretch our legs, we stopped by the edge of a slow moving river. The trees rooted strong and the sun shone brightly. As we watched the water trickle over the rocks on its predetermined path, I knew. For the first time, in a long time, I was happy.